Fullmetal Treasure
by ghirahim
Summary: Prince Mustang is sick of sleeping around and being miserable, so his right hand man and bodyguard accompany him on a journey to find the queen to make him a king; too bad the queen in question is an ill-tempered shrimp and a boy at that!
1. The Pain in the Regal Hindquarters

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist (or any other manga, fairy tale, video game, or movie mentioned/referenced) ...and I don't make money of writing – its merely a hobby.

_A/N: Just to clarify, this story is Roy/Ed, but there is slight Elricest, as well as hints of unrequited Ed/Winry and Roy/Riza. Furthermore, this story is Shota as Ed is a minor by most standards._

* * *

"_That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest."  
-Henry David Thoreau_

_In a kingdom far, far away  
there lived an ostensibly vain prince  
named Roy Mustang.  
Prince Mustang was considered a celebrity  
even outside the country of Amestris.  
Despite having countless hoards of suitors,  
concubines, and groupies worshiping his every move  
and hanging by his every word;  
aside from the occasional – more like frequent – romp  
the prince had no one 'special' of whom to share  
his fame or riches with.  
Normally, the prince abhorred the mere thought  
of sharing the limelight with another,  
but after his best friend and right-hand man  
got married the prince started to question himself;  
which he really hated!  
To make matters worse, most of his subordinates  
were in 'committed' relationships  
practically boasting their happiness in his face!_

Sighing, prince Mustang haphazardly sprawled out on his king-sized bed staring blankly at the ceiling. It was as if the world itself was mocking his existence! Even after having sex with the most beautiful women in the entire kingdom the black-haired man was still left unsatisfied ...in more ways than one; his insatiable lust was most likely due to the fact that despite the vast beauty the all the women in his harem, and probably in the entire kingdom, were brain-dead, superficial idiots!

How the hell was he supposed to start a family if he couldn't even form a decent conversation that didn't revolve around make-up or jewelry! _'Marriage, bah! What a crock.' _The prince thought sourly, just hearing the word made a scowl mar his beautiful features.

Ever since he became the best man at his best friend, Maes Hughes', wedding last month everything just went downhill. It was as if every available woman in the kingdom got some kind of simultaneous memo to try and become his perfect queen. Much to Roy's chagrin he wasn't getting any younger, his twenty-seventh birthday was merely a few months away – now was as good a time as any to settle down and start a family, after all he couldn't become the king without finding his queen even if his parents were dead for years. Stupid customs really, but he had no authority to change them.

Now, this queen finding business was a lot easier said than done. The only woman that didn't shamelessly throw herself at his feet was his main adviser, Riza Hawkeye. While Riza was hot – Roy had no qualms about admitting that or his attraction to her – the blond was supremely anal about the whole workplace relationship bullshit. Plus when he hired then subsequently hit on her she threatened to castrate him if he ever did it again.

_Knock, knock, knock..._

Sighing again, Roy continuously looked at the ceiling. "Enter." The door opened slowly revealing a blond woman clutching a manila folder. Closing the door behind her, the blond walked over to the bed upside from Roy's current perspective. "What's in the folder Hawkeye?"

"Marriage interviewees sir."

"Throw them away."

"But you just asked me to get them—"

"And now, I'm asking you to get rid of them." Closing his eyes, Roy heard the blond sigh then the shuffling of her feet followed by the sound of the papers being thrown into the garbage can. "Thank you."

"My pleasure."

"Riza, you're a woman—"

"So good of you to notice sir."

Roy sat up glaring at the unfazed blond, "that isn't what I meant!"

Riza rose an eyebrow as Roy flopped backwards back onto his bed. "I apologize sir, then what did you mean?"

"Would you consider marrying me and putting me out of my misery? We don't have to stay committed to one another and you can have the kingdom and remarry when I die. I believe you'll make an excellent queen."

"Two things, sir. First of all, what makes you so sure you'll die first? Secondly, as much as I appreciate the compliment I don't like getting my personal and professional lives entwined."

"Two things. I know I'll die first, believe me and secondly, your personal life is your professional life!"

"Hmm..." The blond tapped her chin, "in that case I simply do not wish to marry you for pity. What kind of marriage allows the couple to freely see whomever they choose?"

"A good marriage." Roy sat up eying the blond, "you said you wouldn't marry me for pity. Would you marry me under different circumstances?"

The blond paused momentarily before shaking her head. "Probably not sir."

Roy sighed, "of course. That will be all Riza."

"Sir, if I may?" Roy rose an eyebrow at her. "Perhaps if you didn't spend so much time obsessing over yourself you might be able to find someone."

"I don't think that's possible."

"I figured as much." Shaking her head, the blond began walking to the door when it burst open.

"Roy~! You're still in bed?"

"Hughes..."

The bespectacled black-haired man unceremoniously ran over to the bed and plopped down beside the prince. "I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?" Grinning, Hughes waggled his eyebrows suggestively then started making kissing noises. "You said you had a thing for blonds, didn't you?"

"She is the antithesis to that statement."

"Ah, oh! I almost forgot what I came in here for... guess what Roy? Gracia is pregnant! I'm going to be a father!"

Riza walked over to the bed and exchanged glances with Roy before they both looked at Hughes. "What?"

The black-haired took a deep breath, "I said—"

Roy sat up fully as Riza clamped a hand over Hughes' mouth. "We heard what you said..."

Once his mouth was released Hughes took another deep breath. "We went to the doctor today because Gracia was throwing up like crazy, turns out that it wasn't due to my horrible attempts at cooking but her morning sickness! I was relieved on two occasions."

"Congratulations Maes."

"Thanks Riza."

"Yeah, Hughes, although I feel sorry for any child of yours."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

Roy held up a hand, "before you chew me out I have a favor to ask the two of you."

Riza and Hughes exchanged glances. "Really?" Roy nodded. "Its not another swimsuit contest is it? Because Gracia my not look it but she's definitely the jealous type."

Roy shook his head. "No, no, no... although." Riza cleared her throat. "Right. Now you two know you're my two must trusted subordinates, right?"

"I don't like where this is going sir."

"What I want to do is leave the kingdom in order to find a bride." Hughes gaped at his best friend then took off his glasses cleaning them thoroughly. "Hey, aren't you supposed to clean your ears when you hear strange things?"

"No. My ears are working just fine its my eyes that are playing tricks on me. You ...you can't be Roy, its some sort of hologram or an incredible simulation."

"Or a joke."

"Yeah, there's also that. I mean, what bizarre, unfathomable universe have I entered that you'd actually consider sharing the spotlight with someone? You know a bride is an equal partner not just another woman willing to follow you to hell and back."

"I know that! Dammit, you make it seem as though I'm incapable of caring for someone else; that I'm the most selfish man in the world!" He glared at Riza who blinked innocently at him. "Don't you even start with me Hawkeye."

"I apologize sir." Roy's eyes narrowed at the completely insincere apology. Why was good help so hard to find these days? But the bigger question was why he even let his useless friends live in the castle then appoint them important jobs that solely meant ridiculing his every decision in the first place? Making them advisers, it was just as ridiculous as expecting rain to fall upward! "Sir, if you are completely serious about this marriage thing not only will you have to leave the kingdom entirely—"

"—But you'll probably have to head to some podunk village extremely far way that's never heard of you or the kingdom itself—"

"—Then, you'll have to find a woman that could actually tolerate you—"

"—While making sure she isn't some gold-digging floozy—"

"—Or potential psychopath—"

"—Lets not forget she's got to be willing to pop out a few babies—"

"—But most importantly make sure she's undoubtedly interested in marriage—"

"—And not just her citizenship."

Roy's eyes shifted between the two as they now stood side-by-side in front of you. "You two... you rehearsed that, didn't you?"

Riza shook her head, "no sir, it was a merely a coincidence."

Hughes shrugged. "I guess we just think alike."

"Whatever, just find some random 'podunk' village in some far away kingdom so we can find my bride."

"Okie dokie Roy! Now, follow me if you please!" The trio left Roy's bedroom then walked down three flights of stairs to the castle's main library.

"Oh, hello your majesty."

"At ease Fuery."

"Y-Yes sir." The noirette nodded timidly then returned to his task.

Roy took a seat in a chair at the front of the table and Riza stood beside him, "are you one-hundred percent sure about this sir? I'm sure you can just mold one of the girls here."

"Nope. My mind is made up. Besides, I'm no miracle worker I can only mold so far."

Grinning, Hughes slammed a book onto the table in front of Roy and Riza then laid a map on top of said book. "Here! My I present to his highness and trusted bodyguard the perfect place to find a mate. I can't quite make out the kingdom's name but the village I'm talking about is called Resembool – its practically light-years away from here!"

"Re-sem-bool? I've never heard of it."

Pinching the bridge of her nose Riza sighed, "that's kind of the point sir." Roy looked up at her, eyebrows furrowing. "If you've never heard of them there is a good chance that they have never heard of you."

"I—"

"Ya know I've heard of Resembool, they're supposed to have the best automail repair shop on the east coast."

Roy eyed the newcomer standing in the doorway. "I guess you're not entirely useless after all Havoc."

"Gee. So good to be of service chief, what do you need to go to Resembool for anyway?" The blond pulled up a chair beside the prince on the other side of Riza. "Want to look at some mechanics?"

"No. I'm looking for a bride."

"Seriously? Isn't your harem good enough anymore?"

Roy frowned. "Unfortunately as none of those women are intellectually stimulating."

"Since when has that mattered? You spend a lot more time looking at someone than you do talking to 'em."

"Damn Havoc, and you wonder why you're still single?"

Smirking, the blond leaned back in his chair, "I believe that's the pot calling the kettle black chief."

"Touché."

"So, uh... your majesty, w-who are you taking on your quest?" Roy glanced at the black-haired man who joined them at the table standing next to Havoc.

"Well, Fuery, that would depend on how long it takes to get to Resembool." Everyone in the room turned to Hughes.

"Huh? Oh..." The bespectacled man in question lifted the book under the map to eye-level scanning it. "Lets see, according to the atlas it will take about two weeks to get to Resembool by carriage."

"Two weeks?" Everyone echoed.

Hughes nodded, snapping the book shut. "Yup, two weeks ...ten days at the very least."

"Hmm... in that case. Riza, cancel all my appointments."

The blond rose an eyebrow. "What appointments?"

"Maes, I suggest you start packing we leave in one hour."

"Me? Why? I have a pregnant wife to take care of—"

"No, what you have is a pregnant wife you'll put into premature labor with all your fussing and mother-hen-ing." Hughes pouted folding his arms over his chest.

"Hey chief, you should let me tag along too."

"No. I need you and Riza to hold down the fort."

"Your majesty, I can understand Ms. Riza but you're actually giving Havoc power over the kingdom?"

"What's that supposed to mean Fuery?" Said man shrunk back.

Roy shrugged, "who else is there? No one knows me better than Maes so he definitely has to accompany me. Havoc and myself are about the same height and build and other than Hughes he's the only one who can imitate my voice perfectly." Riza and Fuery sighed, "and as for Riza she's the only one capable enough to run the kingdom in my absence."

"With all due respect Roy, she kinda runs it for you."

"That's true, beside I don't think that's a good idea chief. Hawkeye is the one that fends off your fangirls when you don't want to be bothered. Wouldn't she be better suited beside you?"

"How would that look ...with me trying to find a wife and all?"

Havoc nodded. "Point taken, but she can keep away the ugly ones." Roy tapped his chin in thought, "either way chief you know you can't leave the kingdom without a bodyguard."

"I have Maes."

"Excuse me? I'm not guarding anyone's body! I have a wife and a kid on the way! Doesn't my opinion matter here?"

"Quiet Maes. I'm thinking."

Riza sighed, "I suppose I don't have a choice—"

"Have no fear, Prince Mustang!"

Everyone slowly turned toward the closed door. "T-That voice..."

The library doors burst open nearly knocking over the white-haired man standing beside them. "I, Alex Louis Armstrong, will project his majesty on his quest!" For the second time that afternoon everyone turned to Hughes.

"W-What? Why are you all staring at me like that, I didn't say anything! I mean, how could I? I was with Roy the whole time!"

"Guess these walls really are paper thin." Havoc whispered and Fuery nodded in agreement.

"Do you know what I'm going on a quest for Armstrong?"

"Yes! I was walking by and I overheard your problem." The inexplicably tall man began flexing. "There isn't a woman alive that can resist your charms your majesty! And with me protecting you all you have to worry about is picking one that tickles your fancy."

Havoc whistled. "The guy's good."

Roy sighed shaking his head. "Okay Armstrong, you can come too."

—

One hour later the trio were getting set to embark on their journey. Roy couldn't help but roll his eyes at the display of overzealous affection coming from his best friend. Hughes was nuzzling his face against his wife's flat stomach cooing at it in baby-talk. Gracia was two months and not showing in the slightest but Hughes, being Hughes, coddled her constantly.

"Honey, I'll be fine." Gracia said patting her husband's head. "Ms. Riza offered to help me with anything I need."

"A-Are you sure? Because I could stay—"

"No dear. Right now, Roy —uh, I mean, Prince Mustang— needs you more than I do."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Gracia smiled at Roy before nudging her husband causing him to stand. "The faster you help him get his bride the faster you can come home." She whispered with a wink.

"That's true." He whispered back, "but honey-bear Roy is so damn picky it will take forever to find someone."

"Well, just make sure you're back in six months regardless." Gracia patted her stomach.

"I'll be here, though I'm not sure about Roy."

Roy's right eye twitched as he tapped his foot impatiently. "I'm right here you know! I can hear everything you're saying!"

"Roy eavesdropping isn't very becoming of a prince."

The prince's eyebrows furrowed at Gracia. "She's right." Hughes turned back to his wife hugging her. Groaning, Roy dragged Hughes by the collar. "Wait, wait! Goodbye my darling I'll write to you every single day~!"

"I look forward to hearing from you~"

"Keep me updated my sweet!"

"Of course sweetheart."

"I don't understand how you could settle for someone like Maes."

Gracia shrugged. "He's sweet."

As Armstrong effortlessly placed the now sobbing man into the carriage along with the bags, Roy got on waving. "I'll try and bring him back saner Gracia. Although I'm not sure how."

"Good luck with that. Bye honey!" Still sobbing Hughes waved back, "by Armstrong." The large man nodded back. "Oh, and good luck Prince Mustang. I'm sure your bride doesn't stand a chance against your charm."

Roy nodded to Gracia as the carriage took off with Hughes now sobbing uncontrollably. Once the carriage was out of sight Havoc turned to Riza locking his hands behind his had. "So stand-in-chief, what are we going to do now that the royal pain in the ass is away?"

Riza sighed, "it doesn't matter Havoc, seeing as how you don't do anything even when the prince is around."

"True, but that's because he doesn't expect us to do anything. You exert more authority than chief." Havoc stared at the blond wearily. "You... you're not expecting us to actually work, are you?"

Riza shook her head. "We're supposed to act as if the prince is still around so no. At ease I suppose."

"Good. Now that we have that out of the way I gotta clear some stuff up about this whole marriage thing. It all seems rather odd; I mean, what kind of future king wants his bride to actually talk go him? I think he should just be grateful for all the eye candy he's got floating around." Havoc's eyes lit up, "and speaking of eye candy. If I'm supposed to be the prince I might as well act the part. I'll need some hair dye and some of those contact things." Grinning, the blond nonchalantly wandered back into the castle.

"I'll help you Havoc!" Fuery screamed running after the blond.

Riza shook her head. "I know how you feel." She turned to Gracia. "Men, right? They'll grow on you ...eventually." Winking, Gracia walked inside the castle and Riza couldn't help but smile.

"I suppose you're right."

As the carriage began its bumpy, two-week long ride into the podunk village of Resembool the non-sobbing, non-bespectacled black-haired man was sure he was going to lose his mind before he found a bride. Whether it was from the overly emotional, often energetic Hughes or the potentially insane bodyguard was unknown at this point. Despite the obvious eccentricities of Maes Hughes, Roy was constantly depending on him for advice and the like —and Roy didn't depend on anyone! Even when he was a little kid Hughes was always by his side. Maes was an incredibly trustworthy individual who often had sage like wisdom (in addition to his constant goofiness and obsession with his new wife and unborn child); bodyguard or no bodyguard he could have done without Armstrong but once the stubborn, extremely large man had his mind made up about something (especially along the lines of helping someone) there was no stopping him ...plus he was downright creepy!

Once Hughes sobered up and stopped crying he turned to Roy. "So, any specifics on your bride aside from being a blond?"

"When did I say I wanted a blond?"

"You never said you didn't."

Roy sighed. "I couldn't care less about her hair color. Yes, I'll admit, I have a preference for blonds but hair color isn't my main concern."

"Especially with hair dye." Roy glared at him, "w-what? I'm just saying!"

"Look. As long as my bride is as intelligent as she is beautiful I'll worry about the specifics later."

"Sounds like a plan, but there aren't too many beautiful geniuses around. I think I got the last one.

"From our kingdom anyway."

"Now what brought this feeling of longing on in the first place? Was it my wedding?"

"I'm not longing." Roy sighed, "I guess it might have been your wedding but it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"True. What will you do if you can't find a bride?"

"Die alone."

"Ah, so its all or nothing hm?"

"Yup."

"Well, don't you worry your pretty little head. I'll get you a prized catch."

"That's what I'm counting on."

—

Paninya stretched and yawned as she walked onto the roof of the Rockbell Hotel. The sound of a running motor caught the brunette's attention, eyes narrowing she looked through the binoculars around her neck then did a double take. "Huh?" Putting the binoculars back in their original position she saw three men getting out of the fancy looking carriage and walk inside. "Winry? Winry~! Either something is wrong with your binoculars or you guys are having some rich visitors!"

"What?" A blond appeared out of nowhere, looked through the binoculars while they were still around Paninya's neck, the put them down whistling. "That is one fancy-ass carriage!"

Once she regained her neck back, binoculars and all, Paninya rose an eyebrow at the blond. "You're not gonna run around screaming like you did last time?"

"Hell no." Huffing, Winry folded her arms over her chest. "Last time those idiots only wanted directions to East City!"

"I've been here for about three days and I haven't seen the shrimp running around. Did you kick him out again?"

Paninya's eyes widened as Winry's expression darkened considerably. "That half-pint, milk-hating ...jerk!" The blond picked up a wrench from the table top. "I won't just kick him out, I'll kick his ass the next time I see him! Do you believe that jackass had the gall to write me an apology on a napkin? A napkin, Paninya! And he didn't even write it, Alphonse wrote it for him! Grrr! He makes me so damn mad!"

"T-That sounds like something Ed would do."

Winry's grip on the wrench tightened. "Just wait until he needs another automail repair..."

Paninya sighed, "geez Winry why don't you just ask him to marry you already?" Blushing, the blond dropped the wrench on Paninya's foot. The brunette looked down unfazed. "I am so glad that's an automail."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Paninya, did I dent it?"

"Not sure. Anyway, you and Ed would make a cute couple ...besides there aren't too many guys running around these parts. And Ed is hot."

"Hah! Hot or not, which I'm not saying he is, I'd rather watch hell freeze over than marry that idiot!"

"Why? You've known Ed since you were little kids." Winry glared at her. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

"No one asked what you thinks!"

"Well." Paninya shrugged, "if you don't mind then maybe I'll take a swing at Ed." Winry's jaw dropped. "I had a rather explicit dream about—"

"Please do not finish that statement."

"Oh come on. Its really—"

"Winry, get down here!"

The two girls exchanged glances and Winry sighed. "I'll be right there Grandma!" The blond turned to the brunette who locked her hands behind her head. "I'll look at your foot when I come back and don't think we're done talking about this."

"Right. Whatever you say Winry~" Sending the brunette one last glare Winry went downstairs. Shaking her head again, Paninya smirked. "This might be the most interesting thing that's happened in a while here in Resembool."

As Winry walked down the stairs she saw three strange looking, elegantly clad men standing behind the counter. "Show these gentlemen to their rooms."

"R-Rooms? As in they want to stay here?"

"That's not a problem, is it?"

"N-N-No!" Winry turned to her grandmother before bowing quickly. "I-I'm Winry Rockbell. Please follow me."

Nodding, the three men followed the blond upstairs. "Well Roy." Hughes whispered, "this is about as podunk as it gets so you'd better get used to it."

"How the hell am I supposed to find a bride when I don't see any forms of life in this place?" Roy whispered back.

"What about her? She's kinda cute and a blond."

"What did I tell you about the hair? Besides, she looks young enough to be my daughter!" Roy looked at the blond walking in front of them. She was ridiculously thin but it didn't seem as though she was starving herself to fit into that perfect outfit, she just looked thin but she wasn't so thin that you could see her bones poking out of the skin. "I can't put my finger on it but as cute as she is I don't feel anything. I'm not sure it will work."

Hughes sighed. "Well that's why we're here. Whenever you feel whatever you're supposed to feel just tell me."

Roy nodded, "uh... Winry was it?" The blond stopped abruptly causing the three men to stop as well. "Where can we find the nearest c—" Hughes elbowed him, "uh... grocery store?"

Slowly, the blond fully turned around eying Roy suspiciously. "About ten minutes east of here, that's where the city is."

"Good."

"Good!" Winry continued walking up the stairs. Surprisingly, this hotel was a lot bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. "How much did you expect to spend on a room?"

"Money is no object."

Winry almost fell forward. She swore she heard a cash register opening in the back of her mind. If these guys didn't care about money she might as well milk them for all the money they had no problem spending. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, right? "Well then, allow me to show you fellas to our penthouse suite~!"

Roy's eyes lit up. "That would be wonderful." Hughes facepalmed, but Roy didn't acknowledge it. Just because he wasn't the prince here didn't mean he couldn't be treated like royalty! As the adorably bubbly blond led them up several more flights of stairs (why the hell didn't this place have an elevator?) they managed to make it to the 'penthouse' suite. Though the room was about the size of one of the smaller rooms in the castle it was still truly fit for a prince.

Inside the room were three separate rooms, which was great because Roy had no interest in sharing a room with Armstrong. Each of the three rooms had their own king-sized bed, telephone, and one of those fancy toilet-like things that shot water upwards.

Roy nodded in approval. "We'll take it!"

Winry clapped her hands together and Hughes could swear he saw her rubbing them together maniacally. "Alright! Now if you need anything don't hesitate to call!" She pointed to the phone on the nightstand of the main room. "The other phones don't work for numbers inside or outside the hotel... sorry about that."

"Not a problem."

"Oh, and before I forget—" Digging into her pocket, Winry pulled out a pamphlet and handed it to Roy. "Enjoy your stay!"

"We will."

As Winry exited the room, after giving them the keys of course, Roy unceremoniously plopped down on the couch.

"Aren't you going to look around the city to the east? Or do you want to start here?"

"Neither." Hughes looked down at him, "we just got here after an eleven day ride in a carriage. I think I'm entitled to some rest."

Hughes sighed plopping down beside Roy. "Of course you are."

—

As Winry merrily walked down the stairs she saw Paninya in the lobby talking to Russell. Russell Tringham was like her taller, shorter-haired, less hotter version of Ed ...of course she'd never admit that out loud.

"Hi."

"Hi Winry, I saw an expensive looking carriage and I figured you were running around telling Mrs. Pinako to break out the fine china again."

Winry sighed. "You do that once and suddenly you're marked for life."

Russell chuckled. "S-Sorry, say, have you seen my brother?"

"No."

Sighing, the blond ran a hand through his hair. "I guess that's what I get for letting him with those damn Elric brothers."

"Come on Russell, Ed and Al aren't that bad."

"I only agree with half of that statement."

"That reminds me." Winry plopped down beside Paninya. "Foot."

Sighing, the brunette put her foot on Winry's leg. "I told you I'm fine Winry."

"I'll be the judge of that."

Russell looked between the two girls confused. "What happened?"

"Oh nothing. Winry just dropped a wrench on my automail after I accused her of liking Ed, it was an accident of course, but now I think she's just looking for a reason to take it apart."

Blushing slightly, the blond remained focused on the task in front of her – examining the automail in question. "Everything appears to be in order."

"Told ya." The brunette stood up and stretched. "Dominic does automails old school, but there's no school like the old school."

"Speaking of Mr. Dominic when are you heading back to Rush Valley?"

"Dunno, whenever a messenger comes to get me I guess. Pinako actually invited me a few days ago, she said she needed more help around this place."

Russell's eyebrows furrowed. "Really? Fletcher and I got invited here too."

"Well it is the busy season so I guess she'll get more guests when the hotels in the city are all filled up."

Winry internally sighed as the two of them continued conversing. There was no way she could bring up the subject they were discussing earlier in front of Russell and she couldn't ask him to leave either. That would be rude! Then again, if she didn't bring it up then there was no reason to worry about it. After all, the Elric brothers were like her little brothers and there wasn't any feelings she felt for either one other than platonic or sisterly. Though their latest disappearing act had her worried. It had been a little more than a two months since she last seen or heard from them. The apology note she received a while ago merely spoke about a clock Ed had apparently broken while trying to leave and nothing else. She wasn't exactly happy to find it, and when Paninya brought up Ed it only pissed her off all over again.

Winry cracked her knuckles. The first thing she'd do when she saw Ed was giving him a face full of metal. Alphonse too.

—

Alphonse Elric sighed for what appeared to be the hundredth time in the span of five minutes. The town of Briggs was definitely a lot bigger than he expected, but at least it wasn't on the verge of sinking like Aquaroya! After his shorter-older brother Edward set their house on fire almost a year ago (whether accidentally or purposely was still unknown to the younger sibling) the brothers embarked on an adventure of sorts that led them around several kingdoms and villages, leading them to meet all sorts of interesting people ...plus it gave them some really nice places to live for free. Occasionally, during the past eleven months, the siblings would return home to Resembool – mainly when Ed needed to get his automails repaired, but lately Ed was being surprisingly careful with his mechanics which was quite a shock for someone with a personality as violent as the fifteen-year-old's. The only downside of free lodging and meals was that they were flat broke so they didn't have the cash needed to take the train to fix Ed's automails.

The fourteen-year-old sighed once more until the sound of metal hitting metal caught his ear; and Alphonse knew that sound a little too well.

Raising an eyebrow, one of the villagers touched his shovel to the ground hitting something hard and hollow again. "Hm?" Frowning, the burly man chucked his shovel in the distance then began digging by hand — or by hand and automail to be precise.

Al inconspicuously crept closer, hiding behind a large boulder.

"Oi, what's going on Buccaneer? You know how chief gets."

"Found something weird in the snow." Exchanging glances amongst each other, the rest of the equally burly villagers chucked their shovels as well helping unearth whatever the hell was in the snow.

"Why don't I hear any shovels?"

The men stiffened slightly before regaining their composure. "Oi, chief, Buccaneer found something weird... we were just helping him."

The chief in question rose an eyebrow, "move aside." The men all too eagerly complied getting out of the way allowing the blond to walk past them. Scowling, the chief reached down and pulled out a silver object which appeared to be an arm, but not just any arm an automail arm, and the automail arm in question was attached to a human child?

"Ed!" Al gasped then immediately clasped his hands over his mouth.

"C-Chief, w-what the hell?"

The chief turned around holding the unconscious boy by his automail. "Looks like someone buried this boy alive; take him to the sleeper."

The men saluted. "Aye aye!"

"W-Wait!" Everyone turned to Alphonse who slid down the snow hill. "T-That's my brother."

The chief's eyes narrowed, "and just what was he doing here?"

"I don't know, I was looking for him."

"Take them both to the sleeper."

"Aye aye!" The men saluted once more.

Al gulped as the burliest man, Buccaneer – if he heard correctly, hoisted him over his shoulder like a sack of rice carrying him to the aforementioned 'sleeper.' Once they arrived at their destination the chief passed a smelling salt over Ed's unconscious form causing him to awaken abruptly.

"What the—! Oof!"

"Brother! I'm so glad you're alright!"

"Al?"

"Glad that's settled. What brings you kids to Briggs anyway?"

Ed and Al exchanged glances before the former shrugged. "Just wandering, its sort of what we do. I got swept under a sandstorm which turned into a snowstorm; the weather sure is crazy out here."

"That's why its no place for little children—"

"Who are you calling little?"

"You..." Smirking, the chief unsheathed her sword then pointed it against Ed's throat, "that's not a problem is it?" Gulping, the brothers shook their heads and the chief re-sheathed her sword. "Good. I was half-expecting the two of you to clutch onto one another or wet yourselves, but you have guts. That's good, you'll need it to fit in here. The name's Olivier Armstrong, but you can call me the chief."

"I'm Alphonse Elric, and he's my older brother Edward."

Olivier rose an eyebrow, "older?"

"Don't say it! I know, I'm ...he's... its—"

"Doesn't matter, you're both tiny in my eyes."

"I'm not tiny!"

"Ed's a little sensitive about his height."

"Who are you calling sensitive?"

"Anyways kids, eat up. I'm sure you're both starving."

"Food!" Olivier stared blankly at the brothers with their voracious appetites eagerly consuming the inhumane amount of food in front of them. Even the villagers, roughly three times their size didn't eat this much! Or even half this amount!

"Edward, right?" Olivier pointed to the blond in question who nodded and continued to eat. "Just making sure I got it right, I noticed you have two automails and a steel plate in your head."

Ed put the bowl down swallowing the copious amount of food in his mouth without choking. "You noticed the plate?"

"Well, not really; but when you were unconscious one of my men accidentally slammed you against the wall it the wall got dented."

Ed sighed, "I see."

"And you, Alphonse, appear to be all flesh?"

"Y-Yes ma'am."

"Ma'am? Just because you two are toddlers doesn't mean I'm old. I said call me chief, or the Northern Wall of Briggs."

The brothers exchanged questionable glances, "um... alright?"

"Good."

"Chief, you're not going to believe who's here." Olivier rose an eyebrow and Buccaneer whispered in her ear. Ed and Al gripped onto one another as they saw her smirk. The frown perpetually etched on her face was scary enough, but this smirk ...Ed and Al were certain it would give them nightmares. "This day just keeps getting better and better."


	2. The Hellish Snow

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist (or any other manga, fairy tale, video game, or movie mentioned/referenced) ...and I don't make money of writing – its merely a hobby.

_A/N: According to the fullmetal alchemist wiki – the currency of Amestris is cenz which are equal to Japanese yen so I'm going to use them that way. Therefore 554cenz = 7dollars._

* * *

"_Wealth does not corrupt nor does it enoble."  
-Robert Coles_

Winry paused at the bottom of the steps carrying an empty tray; ever since those rich visitors appeared yesterday the Rockbell Hotel was busier than ever! Her grandmother had to enlist the help of others aside from Paninya, Russell, and Russell's baby brother, Fletcher, if she expected all the patrons to truly enjoy their stay; after all a ten-year-old and three teenagers certainly weren't enough to weather this storm.

"Winry!" Paninya screeched, "we need more towels!"

The blond sighed, "I'll be right there!" Pinako blew smoke out of her pipe as her granddaughter walked into the office. "Where are all these people coming from?"

Pinako slid the newspaper over to her granddaughter, "perhaps this might have something to do with all these guests."

"Hm?" Blue eyes widened considerably as Winry looked over the newspaper and read the headline:

'_**Prince Mustang's Bride Search!'**__**  
"The country of Amestris, especially its women, are in an uproar since their prince disappeared yesterday morning. Prince Roy Mustang, twenty-six, is circling the country with two bodyguards hoping to find his bride. Only the most fitting, beautiful, and intellectual individual will be selected. So, which lucky person will woo the heard of the beloved prince? Who knows? It might even be **_**you**_**!"**_

Gaping, the blond looked up at her grandmother. "This is why we have so many visitors? Because some prince is looking for his bride? Geez, how shallow can you be?"

"Don't speak so lowly of him Winry, if he comes here we'll doll you up real nice."

"Grandma, you can't be serious?"

"Forget about the half-pint, Winry, not only is he shorter than you but he is also ridiculously broke!" The blond's jaw dropped. "If you marry the prince then we'll be rich. Everyone in this hotel is probably attempting to find and marry the prince ...especially since the newspaper neglected to provide a picture. Just remember that none of these people compare with your intelligence and beauty, and that's exactly what the prince is looking for. This is basically describing you."

Winry blushed. "While I appreciate the compliment I'm not gonna marry this guy."

"And why not?"

"For one; I'm only fifteen! I'm way too young to get married, and two, he's old!"

"And you say the newspaper ad was shallow?"

"Grandma, I'm not even thinking about marriage and if I do want to get married it won't be because of someone's status!"

"So you'd marry a poor idiot if it were for love, but not some rich intellectual prince for money?"

"What? I-I never said that." The blond sighed, "fine! If the prince does show up I'll give it a shot ...but I'm not making any promises!"

"No promises needed dear. Once he takes a look at you this contest will be over."

—

Groaning, Roy slowly opened his eyes staring at the bleak, gray ceiling above. "Huh?" The black-haired man craned his neck noticing that he was somehow sitting upside down. Groaning once more, the prince sat himself upright spotting Hughes' unconscious body a few feet away from his. "What the hell happened last night?"

Roy nudged the slightly shorter man who cracked an eye open before rolling over to face his best friend. "Hm?"

"Are you alright?" Hughes groaned cracking his neck and various other joints. Roy's eyes narrowed, "where are your glasses?"

Hughes instinctively pat his face scanning it noticing his lack of eye wear. "But how come I could see?"

"Because its dark here." Hughes blinked. "Anyways, I don't see Armstrong around."

"That's because you're not looking in the right direction."

The two men exchanged glances before looking in front of them at the ...metal bars? An irate, albeit attractive blond stood on the other side shaking her head. "I'm not sure what's gotten into that empty head of yours Mustang but you have some gall to step into my territory."

As Hughes sat up, Roy blinked at the blond. "Huh?"

"Chief~" The blond turned toward the fair-haired sunglasses wearing man approaching her, then paused to stare at Roy and Hughes. "Guest?"

"Not particularly."

"I see. By the way, I have the glasses you told me to hold onto." The fair-haired man produced a pair of glasses from his side pocket.

"Good. Give it to the one touching his face then bring them to the digging ground. Its about time for them to get some fresh air."

Roy stared in a mixture of awe and horror at the burly, overly muscled men chucking around piled snow like it was nothing. After the semi-burly man, referred to as Miles by the scary blond, released them from jail he brought them here without an explanation – clearly not the way to treat a prince.

Roy continued to look around at the men. While he never pegged himself as muscular in the past he knew he at least had some definition – though compared to these guys (if they could be considered as such) he seemed downright microscopic! Judging by the similar expression etched on Hughes' face he was thinking along the lines of the same thing.

"Roy, you seriously need to put in some more gyms or something in Amestris because these guys will mutilate our guys no sweat."

"I guess that's why Armstrong was always so big compared to normal people." Hughes nodded in agreement, "but that doesn't change the fact that we're out here and still don't know where the hell he is!"

"You two!" Roy and Hughes stopped abruptly as the burliest of the burly men pointed at them, "get digging!"

"Aye aye!" Hughes saluted grabbing the shovel laying on the wall behind them.

Roy sighed grabbing Hughes by the collar stopping him. "You don't honestly expect me to do manual labor, do you? I'm a fucking—"

"Aren't you supposed to be incognito?"

"Incog-what?" Roy shook his head. "What for? I'm clearly not going to find a suitable bride here!"

"That's for damn sure." Roy's eyes narrowed as the blond revealed herself once more. "You'll work if you want to live Mustang." Hughes managed to slip away from Roy's grasp then grabbed a shovel and walked off. "I like him, he's smart. I can see why you brought him along. If anything. you know how to keep people that can cover your sorry ass."

"I know my reputation proceeds me, but you speak to me as if you know me personally."

"My little brother follows you around like an obedient little pup and tells me all about it so – in a way – I do know you personally."

"Brother?"

"Alex." Roy glanced at the blond who sighed. "Really? You don't even know the first name of your own bodyguard?"

Roy's jaw dropped. "You're Armstrong's sister?"

"That's right. The name's Olivier Mira Armstrong, but you can call me the chief – or better yet – your worst nightmare."

Roy's right eye twitched as the blond walked off. That crazy woman was Armstrong's sister? Well, they did strike fear into the hearts of others... even though they were two completely different methods to this fear instilling.

Grabbing his own shovel from the wall, Roy walked over to Hughes and feigned digging beside him. "That woman is Armstrong's sister! Older sister!"

The bespectacled black-haired man stopped digging and rose an eyebrow skeptically. "Seriously?"

Roy nodded, "she told me herself! How in the hell are they related? They don't look a thing like one another and their mannerisms aren't even the same! The only thing they have in common is the blond hair and blue eyes!"

Hughes shrugged, "maybe she's adopted. Or the Armstrong family's black sheep?"

"Whatever she is, it creeps mt the hell out!"

"You know Roy that kinda sucks because the chief is very pretty." Roy glanced at his bespectacled best friend tapping his chin, "and she's blond too. Plus she is the town's mayor ...uh, chief, which means she has to be smart."

"Dammit Maes, you are not helping!"

"The only downside to marrying her would be you and Armstrong would be related."

Roy cringed. "The only downside to marrying her would be marrying her. And who knows how old she is being older than Armstrong who's age we do not know."

"Roy you only have two months or so before you turn..." Hughes looked around before whispering in Roy's ear, "twenty-seven."

"Is that my deadline? Get married before I turn twenty-seven? Are you going to constantly harass me for the next nine weeks?"

"We're going to be out here for that long?"

Roy facepalmed. "For the record, I didn't remind you of turning twenty-seven a few months ago."

"Ah, but I met Gracia when I was twenty-four. We might have just gotten married but we've been together for three whole years." Roy glared at his best friend who started digging again.

—

Alphonse sighed shoveling the snow in front of him. In the day and a half they were in Briggs if Edward wasn't picking fights with the other diggers he was getting buried underneath mountains of snow; right now was the latter. Both of which would earn them extra digging time by the chief; and since Ed was often buried for hours Al was the one doing all the digging. As much as Alphonse loved his shorter-older brother he was going to throttled him as soon as he checked him for frostbite and other cold-weather related injuries!

Unlike his ill-tempered, excessively violent brother, Al managed to get along great with all the diggers without the need to show it physically. Though physical violence seemed to be the thing here and with Ed's naturally violent personality he fit in right along with the gruff diggers, despite the obvious height difference.

The blond looked around spotting two men in the distance; one wearing glasses and the other that clearly stood out from the other diggers. Not only was this guy dressed in fancy, non digging clothes, but he was struggling with the shovel that couldn't have been all that heavy if Al – who possessed absolutely no upper body strength – could wield it easily.

"Yo, tiny. Did anyone find your brother yet?"

Al looked up at Buccaneer frowning, "not yet."

"Damn... I bet if he wasn't so short he would have been found by now." The black-haired man paused to look around. "Shit, that worked last time." Sighing, he shook his head. "Alright, I'll keep any eye out for him."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah. Briggs men don't get sentimental, remember that kid."

"I-I will."

"Good."

"Oi, Buccaneer!" Miles called beckoning the taller man to him. "Is it true that chief's baby brother returned yesterday?"

Buccaneer nodded. "Heard he came in with the prince."

"Prince? What prince?" Buccaneer jerked his head in the direction of Roy and Hughes. "Oh shit! When I asked the chief if she had guests she said no. Who would have thought they were royalty."

"What difference does his identity mean to you? He's here looking for a bride."

"Ah."

When Miles came over calling Buccaneer, Al silently crept closer to the duo listening to their conversation. Briggs was a close knit environment, there was very little news that wasn't spread around like the snow blanketing the ground.

Al continued to dig as both Miles and Buccaneer disappeared. If the fourteen-year-old found this prince guy a suitable bride he might be able to get a cut of the profit he desperately needed. However, he didn't know anything about the prince nor did he know of any suitable women he might be interested in. The only girls he knew on a personal level were Paninya and Winry and he wouldn't hook them up with his worst enemy! _Especially_ Winry!

Al glanced over at the two men again and winced as he saw the chief berating the elegantly clad one.

Sighing, he resumed digging. "Tiny!" Al looked up in time to see Ed barreling toward him. He didn't have enough to time to react and Ed fell on top of him.

"Oops." Buccaneer scratched his head looking down at the two unconscious teens.

Miles stood beside Buccaneer shaking his head. "Way to go, you broke the chief's newest favorite toys."

—

"Al...? Al!"

"What?" Identical pairs of golden eyes locked onto one another. "You know Ed, you might need to get refitted for automail that can handle the elements better."

"Are you kidding me?" The shorter teen sat up quickly making himself nauseous in the process. "W-Winry will snap me in half! Besides we don't plan on staying here too long, right?"

"I guess... but still."

"What is this really about Al? You don't think I know when you're scheming?"

"Scheming? Me? Ed I'm hurt!" Ed glared at him. "Alright fine. I just heard something interesting."

"Oh, and what's that?" Eyes widening, the brothers looked up at Olivier standing in the doorway. "Go on Alphonse. "

The fourteen-year-old gulped. "Some prince is looking for a bride... but more importantly there are different types of automail and I figured Ed would need one that works better in the cold."

"You might have to talk to Buccaneer about the automail as I am all flesh and about the prince—" She handed the teen a newspaper. "Its not really recent news, its not all that important either. In fact, I should behead the idiot who decided to send this thing here." The scary blond proudly marched off smirking.

Al sighed. "Okay Al, what does some stupid prince looking for a bride have to do with us?"

"Think about it Ed. If we help him out I'm sure there is bound to be some kind of reward."

"So?"

"So! We won't have to worry about breaking our backs for food and shelter!"

"Even if we help this guy there is no guarantee for a reward and should there be one there's no telling how much money it is or how long it will last."

"That's the kind of attitude I don't need right now Ed. Try and think positive for once."

"I can't." Al sighed. "You're the optimist little brother and I am the realist. Besides we don't know any girls that a prince would want to marry."

"What about Winry?"

"Please. Who the hell would want to marry her?"

"Paninya?"

"Ask yourself this Alphonse, is Paninya really prince worthy?"

"Hmm... oh! What about—"

"Don't you dare say Grandma Pinako." Ed shuddered in disgust. "He'd might as well wed the chief instead." Al's eyes lit up. "What? No! No, no, no, no, no! Absolutely not!"

"Come on Ed! Its perfect."

"Are you crazy? She's even crazier than Winry and Paninya combined! Plus you heard what she said."

"Yeah, you're right." Dejectedly, the fourteen-year-old slouched forward.

"You know... if you're that interested in getting the wealth why not marry the prince yourself?"

Al's head slowly rose and stared at his older brother. "The paper said he's looking for a woman."

"Like wigs don't exist." Gold eyes narrowed. "Masquerade as a woman for a few weeks, get the prince to fall for you, marry him, then ditch him with half of his money."

"Ooh! That plan sounds perfect!" Al rubbed his hands together, "um... but do you really think it will work?"

"You are very convincing Alphonse Elric."

"Okay! Lets get bridal!"

—

"Oh Winry~!" The blond slowly turned toward Paninya leaning against the doorway smirking. It was still ridiculously busy but the demands for towels and room service died down on the count of everyone being either out – presumably searching for the prince – or asleep at the moment.

"What is it?"

"Our discussion yesterday?" Winry rose an eyebrow, "don't think that we're done talking about Ed."

"What's there to say?"

"You tell me. You've been avoiding being alone with me and I know you don't want to discuss this in front of Russell or Fletcher for whatever reason so we'll finish this now."

Winry sighed. "Edward and Alphonse are like little brothers to me." She shrugged. "Nothing more, nothing less."

"Bullshit!" Paninya facepalmed then groaned. "I swear you are so stubborn! Yesterday when I said I'd take a swing at Ed you should have seen your face. I thought your eyes were going to pop out of your skull."

"I was just surprised because it was so sudden!"

"Yeah, whatever. Let me ask you a question then... if Ed were to get involved romantically with someone you wouldn't get jealous?"

"Hell no. I mean, why would I? Besides, I doubt anyone would want to get involved with Ed – it spells disaster."

"That's true... but one might be willing to look past that because of his looks."

"Shallow. Just like this whole prince thing going on."

"What prince thing?"

"Oh. No one told you?" Paninya shook her head. "Apparently some prince, Roy something, is looking for a bride. He's left is kingdom and now the whole world is in an uproar trying to be his queen; but only the most beautiful and intelligent woman would suffice or some shit like that."

"Ah. That explains why Grandma Pinako was straightening out wedding dresses." Winry facepalmed. "Wait... what was the name of that guy who came here yesterday?"

"What guy?"

"You know. The guy who came here with the two other guys? He had the fancy carriage?" Winry rose an eyebrow. "He ordered the penthouse suite?"

"Oh! That guy..." The blond frowned, "I don't know. I'm sure Grandma knows."

The two girls headed over to the front desk where Fletcher sat. "Hi!" The ten-year-old greeted. "Mrs. Rockbell is in the back." Nodding, they headed to the back room where Pinako was.

"Grandma, what are you doing?" Winry exclaimed.

"Hm? What does it look like? This dress has a rip, I'm fixing it. You need to look presentable when the prince shows up."

Paninya whistled. "You're sure the prince would go for Winry?"

"No doubt."

"Nice. So, um, we were wondering what's the name of the guy who ordered the penthouse suite yesterday?"

"Hm? Get the guest book and see."

Paninya ran out of the backroom and approached the front desk. "Sorry Fletch, I need to see this for a sec." She turned the book back a few pages to yesterday's check-in and her eyes widened. "Winry!"

Returning the book back to its previous page she ran back into the backroom. "Winry! T-The guy from yesterday …his name is Roy!"

"So, Roy is a pretty common name."

"Are you saying that this Roy is the same as the prince everyone is looking for?" Paninya nodded furiously. "Makes sense. No one would think to look in a hotel like this one." Pinako smirked. "Then that means we're closer to getting you married Winry."

"Oh! But he isn't here, right?"

"Damn, you're right." Pinako sighed, "alright. We'll simply get him when he returns. Do not – I repeat, do not – breath a word of this to anyone. And Paninya, if by some miracle he doesn't pick Winry we'll put you on the reserve."

"Oh goodie..."

—

"Pfft!" Ed covered his mouth to stifle his laughter. After receiving their daily punishment from the heartless and relentless chief, the Elric brothers headed to perhaps the only dress shop in Briggs. Fortunately the shop not only sold dresses but other things women would be interested in buying/wearing; like jewelry, perfume, wigs, and etc.. As Alphonse had short hair he was currently donned in a honey blonde – as the proprietor called it – wig that was perhaps the closest to their natural hair color, but the icing on the cake was the dress Al was wearing. The dress was bright pink with darker pink large polka dots.

"You look adorable~" The proprietor cooed fidgeting and hovering around Al.

"Yeah Al, I'd date you."

Al glared at his older brother who no longer held the capability of concealing his laughter. "You may laugh now, but—"

"Maybe you should fix your voice." When Ed started laughing again Al sighed then cleared his throat.

"You..." He cleared his throat again, "_you_ may be laughing now but we'll see who gets the last laugh."

"Better." The proprietor said nodding, "and because you look so cute you can have the outfit and wig for free." He turned to Ed, "how about you?"

"Me? No thanks, I think one crossdresser in the family is enough—_oww_! Dammit Al!" Hissing, Ed rubbed his sore shin that Al kicked. "That isn't very ladylike."

"He's right you know. You need to display proper etiquette, the prince is probably looking for someone culturally aware as well. You look the part now you need to act it."

Al nodded. "Right. But first we need to get the prince's attention. Ed." The blond flinched, "you need to put your pickpocketing skills to work."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm wearing the dress."

"But it was my idea."

"It was your idea to get _me_ to do this! Besides, I could never pickpocket as good as you."

Facepalming, Ed sighed. "Alright fine. You're the one that told me to stop pickpocketing, now you want me to start again?"

"Its for a good cause this time." Ed shook his head, "or would you rather seduce the man?"

"Pickpocketing it is. But I'll need a disguise if I'm suppose to live with you two when you get married."

"True."

"Lets get to work then!" Both Al and the proprietor forcibly held Ed down in the chair. "We won't put you in a dress but we need to hide that pretty face of yours..."

—

Sighing in relief, Roy chucked the shovel he was holding into the distance and unceremoniously fell to the ground. "Done."

"You know... if this is all Briggs men do to get in shape I can live with that." Roy facepalmed. "Come on. I haven't sweated this much since... well since forever! And the best part is that I'm not completely winded!"

"Good for you."

"You're probably tired because Riza and the rest of your subordinates do all the work for you."

"Speaking of my subordinates I wonder how they're fairing without me."

"Really?" Hughes shook his head. "I'm sure they're fine Roy. In fact I'm certain they're more worried about you."

"Yeah, I doubt any of them think I'll be able to do this."

"Well if you can't you could always marry Riza, or the girl from the hotel?"

"I'm not just settling for the first girl I see, I don't care how pretty or how blond. Besides, I already asked Riza and she said no."

"You probably weren't sincere."

"Of course I wasn't! I even said we could have an open marriage. Wait... what does sincerity have to do with this?" Roy gasped. "You think if I asked her sincerely she would say yes?"

Hughes shrugged. "I couldn't hurt." The bespectacled man narrowed his eyes. "You suggested an open marriage?"

"Was that wrong?"

Hughes facepalmed. "If you want to land yourself a wife you need to be sincere, and if you can't do it genuinely fake it."

"Ah. Like sex?" Hughes facepalmed again.

"Honestly Roy, you being single really doesn't surprise me."

"Um..." Roy and Hughes looked down at the tiny redhead fidgeting in front of them. "Would you like to buy some cookies?" The redhead held out the basket in front of them. "Its for a good cause, I hear kids often get stuck under mountains of snow here. My friends and I are trying to raise money to get one of those machine things to make the work go faster."

"Kids?"

The redhead nodded. "Why I just got stuck earlier."

Roy and Hughes exchanged glances. "Why are kids digging around here anyway?" The former asked earning a nudge from the latter.

"Well its how we live." The redhead shrugged. "Briggs men grow strong by working, being lazy and slacking off is frowned upon. Gotta work to live, things like that."

"Ah, I—" Eyes widening, Hughes pointed accusingly at the redhead. "You're a boy?"

Equally wide-eyed, Roy turned to Hughes then at the redhead. "Hm? Of course I am! Oh! I'm often told that I'm too pretty to be a boy." Blushing, the boy twiddled his thumbs. "It gets me out of doing tough jobs so I call it a blessing. B-But don't tell the chief!"

Roy sighed, "don't worry I won't."

"M-Me either, so what's your name little boy? I'm Maes and this is Roy."

"My name..." The redhead paused, "my name.. its Al-uh... Allen? Yeah, that's it." He nodded to himself. "So, are you gonna buy them or not?"

"Sure!" Hughes nudged Roy, the latter sighed producing his wallet out of his back pocket. "I'm surprised the chief didn't take that."

"Me too."

"So, kid, how much for the whole thing?"

Green eyes glanced up at Roy. "Uh... five-hundred fifty four cenz?"

"That sounds reasonable, right?" Sighing once more Roy nodded. Green eyes glanced at the wallet as the money came out, as soon as the fingers loosened their grip onto the rest of money the redhead snatched the wallet and ran off.

"Hey!"

"You can keep the cookies!"

"Roy... I believe you've just been robbed." Hughes chuckled nervously as Roy cracked his knuckles. "I told you not to carry too much money anyway... and we get to keep the cookies."

"I'll find that little thieving jerk if its the last thing I do!"

"Uh... Roy?" He turned to Hughes gesturing to his empty pockets. "Apparently he got my wallet too." Roy facepalmed.


	3. The Queen's Game

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist (or any other manga, fairy tale, video game, or movie mentioned/referenced) ...and I don't make money of writing – its merely a hobby.

_A/N: Just to clarify, this story is Roy/Ed, but there is slight Elricest, as well as hints of unrequited Ed/Winry and Roy/Riza. Furthermore, this story is Shota as Ed is a minor by most standards. _

A/N 2: There will be character spoilers for anyone who hasn't had the pleasure of finishing the manga. [I mean seriously, what are you waiting for?] I should have done this in chapter one; I mean I _did_ but forgot to add it back when I re-edited the first chapter. Anyway, I **know** that both Resembool and Briggs are apart of Amestris but _here_ they are in a kingdom/country all their own; because Resembool is not supposed to be apart of Amestris it will be in the country of Aerugo (it was mentioned in the manga and its supposed to border Amestris); as for Briggs it borderlines Aerugo and Drachma (the latter being true in the manga). I stated this now because I mention it various times within the chapter.

* * *

"_A clear fire, a clean hearth, and the rigour of the game."  
-Charles Lamb_

"You seriously need to do something about the children here!"

Olivier looked up at the man stupid enough to disturb her while reading, naturally it had to be Mustang. Unfazed by the outburst, she lowered her newspaper so she could fully make eye contact with the prince. "What children?"

"I was robbed—"

"I was robbed too." Hughes added.

"—by this androgynous boy with long red hair and green eyes!"

Olivier put the newspaper back up to her face. "There's no one here that fits your description, the cold must be getting to you."

"Then let me go!"

"Can't. You're trespassing on private property. I just so happened to look at the treaty between Drachma and Amestris and you, Amestrian prince, are not allowed to step foot in this kingdom."

"This isn't Drachma! I did the research, Briggs borderlines Aerugo!"

"I'm impressed, and by you you mean your right-hand man right?" Blue eyes locked onto brown. "Of course you did. Anyway, in all seriousness, there is no one that fits your description. I've only come in contact with two children, none of which have red hair nor are they androgynous."

"Then one of those kids is a con-artist! He gave us this sad story about being buried under the snow and needing money to get a machine to help them."

"Ah." Olivier tapped her chin, "my mistake. He might not fit the description but I did find a brat that likes playing tricks on stupid looking people." Roy's right eye twitched. "Althea get in here!"

The door opened and a long-haired blond stepped into the room holding an unfamiliar brunet in her other hand. "Yes?"

Roy's eyes widened. This girl seemed older than the hotel girl and she was definitely prettier and there was a soothing aura of innocence pouring out of her, but that might have been the dress' effect.

Olivier jerked her head toward Mustang. "You have something that belongs to him?"

"Oh yes!" Dropping the brunet, the girl merrily made her way to Mustang holding out his and Hughes' wallet. "I found them on the floor, but then it turned out to be a trap I was caught in. Fortunately the chief here found me and apprehended the bad guy." The girl walked back over to where she was standing and kicked the brunet. "You should apologize for your wrongdoing."

"Yeah, yeah." Purple eyes locked onto brown. "I'm sorry... that you're such an idiot! I mean really, who the hell carries around that much cash and expects not to get robbed?"

Roy cracked his knuckles. "You should learn some damn respect kid."

"Ha! Its just like old people to say shit like that." The blond covered the brunet's mouth.

"I should apologize for my brother's rudeness."

"Brother?"

The girl's eyes widened. "Uh... yeah, he's like a brother to me. Here in Briggs we're all just one big happy family." The blond sighed in relief when Roy nodded. "A-Anyway, I personally feel responsible since I shouldn't have let him out of my sights. How about we get a bite to eat or something?"

"I'd love to but I'm doomed to die here."

"Relax. You can leave in three days, assuming you've done enough work. As for today, take some time off. It must be rare for you to get asked out by such a cute girl."

The blond blushed. "I-I wasn't asking him out! Was I?"

"Oh you were." Olivier waved them off. "Now get going so I can deal with the _little_ thief." The boy's right eye twitched.

Roy, Hughes, and Althea exited the office and the blond sent once last glance at the chief before closing the door behind her. Once their footsteps could no longer be heard Olivier sighed. "I thought he was going to blow his cover."

"Yeah..." The brunet stood and stretched, "but it was a nice recovery." He took off his wig and contacts, "but I gotta ask you chief. Why help us? Its a little less than moral to screw with this guy."

"Perhaps it is Edward, but you have to admit it is also entertaining." The teen shook his head, "Besides, its nothing Mustang doesn't deserve."

"I just hope he doesn't try to make a move on Al, he'll be in for an unpleasant surprise... unless he's into that sort of thing."

"That's the fun of it, but I never expected Alphonse to be quite the seducer and the innocence was a nice touch."

"Sad to say but he's done this before... minus the dress."

"No wonder you two have been able to hang around with no money."

Ed shrugged. "Its what drifters do."

"Now I'm curious..."

"About what?"

"If Alphonse could do that naturally you, as the older brother, must be able to seduce without batting an eye. Hoards of people probably fight over you."

"Al's the seducing optimist and I'm the hardass realist, its— actually I've never tried to seduce anyone so I'm not sure if I can."

"Well you might not be the seducing type but you seem to have this aura about you that keeps people around. Even the diggers have taken a liking to you and they normally don't like anyone."

"So can I assume that you have taken a liking to me as well chief?"

"I suppose, you and your brother have made things interesting in the past two days. But don't let it get to your head, you'll get the same treatment as anyone else."

"Aye aye chief!"

—

"Mustang?" Said black-haired man turned toward the direction of that eerily familiar voice. "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes!"

The brunette ran up to Mustang and gave him a big hug before stepping backwards staring at the blond beside him. "Oh, I had no idea you were on a date~" She nudged him, "and she's so cute too. Still, she looks a bit young for you."

"And what do I owe this pleasure Catalina?"

"Oh come now, we're closer friends than that." She slapped him on the back. "More importantly where is Riza? Its been ages since we last caught up!"

"She's still in Amestris."

"You don't say? Well I figured if you were out gallivanting with the masses and searching for a bride she'd be up for guard duty against the ugly ones."

"Yeah well— _wait_! How did you know about that?"

"Duh, I'm sure the whole world knows about it by now. There are newspaper articles, magazines, even radio broadcasts about **Prince Mustang's bride search**! _Bride search! Bride search!_"

"Did you have to add the echo?"

The brunette shrugged. "It seemed appropriate, anyway aren't you going to introduce me?"

"This is... I don't remember her name."

Shaking her head the woman sighed, "and you wonder why you can't land a wife." She bent down to the blond's level. "Hi there I'm Rebecca Catalina, I'm a somewhat close friend of the prince but I'm much closer to his right-hand _wo_man, Riza, but I digress and you are?"

"I'm Althea Cirle."

"Althea? That's such a cute name!" The blond blushed as the woman hugged her. "Listen, don't get caught up by Mustang's charm and don't be fooled by his presence his subordinates do all the work."

A vein throbbed on Mustang's forehead. "Don't _you_ have work to do? And why are you in Briggs anyway?"

"I was born here." Roy facepalmed then Rebecca released Althea. "Riza and I met in Drachma ten years ago and became besties ever since, occasionally we visit one another but most of the time we met halfway in the place where it all began."

"Riza's been here before?"

"Dozens of times, she and the chief get along really well."

"..."

"What's wrong?" Althea stared at the brunette. Whoever this Riza person was she actually got along with the chief? Then again, the chief wasn't a bad person (depending on your definition) she was just scary as hell so people must have automatically assumed she was a psychopath – which was clearly open to interpretation. This Rebecca woman didn't same to have all her screws properly aligned either so not much could be said about a woman who got along with other crazy people.

"Althea?"

"Hm?" The wide-eyed blond stared at Roy and Rebecca staring at her. "I'm sorry I zoned out what happened?"

"So cute!" Rebecca cooed hugging the teen once again. "Well I'd hate to leave you but I have a date so I'll let you get back to yours." Reluctantly, Rebecca let go of the blond. "Nice meeting you, if things don't work out with Mustang I'll introduce you to some real men."

"You're not actually going on a date with a man from here are you?"

"Of course. I _love _muscular men." Blowing a kiss to Mustang, Rebecca merely went on her way.

"I honestly don't know how those two became friends..." Sighing, he shook his head. "A-Anyway, shall we go?"

"Lets."

—

"Chief, I come bearing gifts!" Rebecca kicked the door open.

Olivier sighed spinning her swivel chair toward the brunette. "Must you do that every time?"

"Oh, absolutely~" She put down all the bags on her arms and in her hands. "Besides, this time my hands were full. So, I saw the useless prince you were talking about. Why didn't you tell me it was Mustang?"

"What would it matter?"

"Mustang and I go way back! Remember Riza?" Olivier nodded slowly, "well she works for him. Apparently he isn't all that useful in Amestris either, but no one born in nobility usually is." Rebecca waved it off. "Anyway, where are the new toys Buccaneer and Miles have been telling me about? I leave for three days and you get new toys! I wanna play with them!"

"Don't you have a date?"

"I canceled as soon as I heard about your toys." Olivier sighed, "so come on. Show me!"

"Fine. Get in here Elric."

Ed's head peeked out from the doorway. "How cute! I get to see two cute kids in one day." Cooing, Rebecca walked over to Edward and easily picked him up pressing his face against her breast. "This one is even cuter than the girl."

"Girl?"

Rebecca nodded. "She was with Mustang."

"Sorry to burst your bubble but that's no girl." Rebecca blinked at the blond. "_She_ is involved in a cleaver ruse to trick Mustang."

"You thought of a ruse and didn't involve me?"

"First of all, I didn't think of it. The boy did, secondly why would I involve you anyway?"

"Come on chief, we go _way_ way back! You and your sisters, Alex, and I used to play together all the time."

"No. You and Alex used to play together while I got stuck babysitting the lot of you."

"Speaking of Alex, I haven't seen him around."

"Oh, I put him to work. Being in Amestris for all these years has made him soft."

"That means he should be in the digging ground then? I'll go say hi." She slowly released Ed. "I almost forgot, what's your name?"

"Edward."

She pinched Ed's cheeks. "I can't help gush over a cute little thing like you."

"Who are you calling little?"

Rebecca pinched his cheeks harder. "Quite the temper he has. So, can you let me in on your ruse? I can give you some juicy details about Mustang via Riza."

As his cheeks were still being stretched Ed nodded. "Good." Rebecca released Ed's face. "What are you doing and how can I be of service?"

"As usual you're too quick to open up to others."

"That's a very redeeming quality!"

"Well my brother is crossdressing so he can marry the prince then make off with half of his money."

Rebecca whistled, "I bet you came up with that didn't you Ed?" Blushing slightly the teen nodded. "Wait! So that shy, blushing little girl is your _brother_!" Ed nodded again. "That means you'd make an even cuter girl, right?"

"What? Hell no!"

Rebecca chuckled, "relax. Its just an intuition. Alright." The brunette clapped her hands together. "I have an idea... but you may not like it Edward."

—

Riza sneezed. "Bless you."

"Thanks."

"Uh-oh." Gracia teased, "someone must be talking about you."

Sniffling, the blond turned to the smiling woman. "That's highly unlikely." The two bonded over the course of the two weeks they had been together. Gracia was a joy to be around and Riza clearly understood why Hughes was so crazy about her.

"Oh dear." Gracia sighed, "I wonder how Maes is doing. I haven't gotten a letter or phone call from him in three days and he promised to contact me everyday."

"I'm sure its just taking a while for them to get here, Resembool is pretty far away."

"Yeah..." Gracia sighed again. "Hey Riza, do you think Roy found someone special yet?"

"Hard to say, but I sincerely doubt it." Both woman sighed simultaneously. "I just hope he hasn't gotten himself into any sort of trouble."

"We both know that isn't going to happen. Why I'm certain they're in some kind of trouble as we speak." Gracia chuckled, "but you have to admit Roy is rather charming so I'm sure its something he can get out of."

"You seem to be fond of the prince."

"Of course I am, he's my husband's best friend and he's really sweet." Gracia sighed, "not as sweet as my Maes though. Oh why hasn't he contacted me yet!"

"R-Relax, I'm sure there is a logical explanation. You'll end up in premature labor if you keep getting this worked up."

Gracia pouted. "I can't help being worked up I miss him."

Riza laughed, "you two suit one another perfectly."

"Oh... if I knew where he was I would contact him." Riza patted the woman on the shoulder soothingly.

"Oi, stand-in-chief—" Havoc poked his head through the kitchen door, "I'm going to be entertaining the heartbroken girls from his majesty's harem so I'll be pretty busy for the next few hours. Breda and Fuery have my shift covered though." Without waiting for a response the blond disappeared.

Riza sighed, "honestly."

"Its good that they keep themselves occupied in Roy's absence even though its obvious they miss him. I wonder how they'll react if and when he finds a bride. Oh, I guess that you won't be the queen anymore—"

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't know? I was talking to Roy a while back and he referred to his subordinates and close friends as chess pieces. You are the queen, strongest piece and closest to the king – which is obviously Roy. Mr. Armstrong and Breda are his rooks, Maes and Jean are the knights, Mr. Falman and I are his bishops, and I suppose that would leave Kain as one of the pawns – but a very useful one."

"You?"

"Yup. 'It requires great skill to use the bishop in battle,' is what he said to me; he also said that I'm important to Maes which makes me important to him. He also said no matter the cost, no piece shall be sacrificed and if there is no other course of action the sacrifice will not be in vain. It was a pretty deep conversation, even though I'm not entirely certain how it started." Gracia waved her off, "but regardless of his new bride I'm sure you'll always be a valuable asset to the team."

"I suppose."

"You know it will be interesting to see the kind of woman Roy wouldn't mind settling down with." Riza nodded in agreement. "He always seems to be drawn to easy women but I"m sure he's yearning for something more."

"He started this little journey to find a woman who he could form a decent conversation with."

"Really?" Riza nodded. "Well, that will be difficult I don't think I've ever seen him talk to another woman unless it was about sex."

"So true..."

—

That Rebecca woman was a pure, unadulterated, one-hundred percent bonafide and certifiably insane creature! She made the chief seem like a saint! Her schemes were worse than Alphonse's by a long shot!

Speaking of her schemes Ed couldn't help but cringe at the mere prospect of the idea she set in place to assist this seducing thing they had going on. Buccaneer just had to get in on the action once he heard about it so some of his ideas were implemented into Rebecca's grand scheme.

The scheme in question was to stalk the prince and Alphonse, no _Althea_, on their pseudo date and set the romantic tone. According to Rebecca, the shy innocent girl scene was 'last season' so they'd have to fix Alphonse up completely and give him a new persona. One that had the visual appeal of the many promiscuous broads the prince was used to 'banging' as Rebecca eloquently put it; the only major difference would be her brain.

Rebecca stated, straight from the paper, that only the smartest woman would be queen since the prince thought the brain was the sexiest part of any creature man or woman.

So, obviously, the grand scheme would have to be put in effect with Al's new persona rather than the current one. Ed cracked his knuckles. "Alright people, lets play a little love game!"

"Here, here!" Rebecca and Buccaneer cheered pumping their fists in the air.

"Wait!" Rebecca put her hand down, "how do we stop the date? I mean Mustang seemed really into her, though it might just be her looks."

"Not a problem." Olivier turned to Buccaneer, "this is the plan you get Mustang, and I guess his bespectacled minion, and _escort_ them back to the digging grounds; meanwhile Rebecca will inform Alphonse of the change of plans." Buccaneer and Rebecca nodded. "Once we have Alphonse we'll take him to the shop you got the first dress then give him a—"

"An extreme makeover?"

Olivier glared at Rebecca. "Right. Then the rest is up to him, _her_."

"Hey shrimp, helping you do this gives us twenty-five percent of the profit. No bullshit, I'll hunt you and your crossdressing brother down if I don't get my cut."

"Oh, that's right!" Rebecca nodded in agreement, "my methods won't be as harsh as Buccaneer's but the same rule applies. I'm screwing over one of my best friend's closest friends so I'd better get some money too."

"That reminds me." Rebecca turned to Buccaneer. "If this prince guy is all friend-like with you why are you so eager to do this?"

"Friend like? Whoever said we were friend-like?"

"I believe you did once or twice today."

Rebecca waved Ed off. "I only act all friendly around him for Riza's sake."

"Who is Riza?"

"My best friend and a true masochist." Rebecca nodded to herself. "Do you have any idea how many hearts Mustang broke with his promiscuous ways? Including hers! Sure, there might not be any romantic sparks between them but when he gets drunk and spent with some stupid bitch it tears her apart because she has to clean up the mess! She also has to babysit him and she practically runs the kingdom herself! Mustang might be one of her close friends but I got Riza's back wherever she may need me – even if its to knock the prince down a few pegs."

Olivier nodded. "Deep. You and Hawkeye are that close huh?"

"Thick as thieves chief. I'd take a bullet for Riza. You might have noticed that I don't make female friends all that easily so I stick with the sisterhood until death." She winked at Olivier, "what's that old saying... hoes over bros?"

Olivier smirked. "Oh! Speaking of bros... Alex get in here!"

The large man bent from the doorway and entered the room. When he stood fully he towered over the other occupants of the room, especially Edward but that was to be expected.

Ed slowly walked toward the man and looked up, "what did you eat to get so big?"

Rebecca followed suit gripping Ed's shoulders as she stood behind him. "That's what I'd like to know."

"I don't think you idiots have been properly introduced. Edward, Buccaneer this is my little brother Alex Louis Armstrong. Alex, these are two of my best diggers Buccaneer and Edward. Everybody introduced now, good."

Doing a double take, Ed and Buccaneer looked at Olivier than at Alex then at Olivier again. "_Little_? There's nothing little about him!"

"Then would you prefer the term younger? He's the fourth born child out of five and only son of the Armstrong family. I am the eldest child."

"This is only the second time you've ever talked about your family chief."

"I never had a reason to before. I have three younger sisters and Alex, end of story."

"Are the rest of your family in Briggs too?"

"Of course. Briggs is where the Armstrong family was created, though mother and father are on their honeymoon in Xing at the moment."

"Ah yes, did they receive their anniversary present?"

"And not a moment too soon." Olivier glanced up at her brother, "I'll tell them you stopped by."

"I brought something for your parents anniversary too, its in one of the bags." Olivier nodded. "Alex you've gotten so _tall_! Nevertheless its good to see you again."

"Its good seeing you too Rebecca."

"I haven't seen you around lately, wh—"

"I told you he's living in Amestris now."

"No, you said _being_ in Amestris made him soft you never said he lived there full-time!"

"I am a bodyguard for prince Mustang."

Rebecca, Buccaneer, and Ed all stared at Alex. "Bodyguard..." The trio shared similar mischievous smirks.

"You just jumped into the frying pan little brother, better hope its not sizzling."

—

"G-Go back to the digging ground?"

Buccaneer nodded, "did you think because you had a date that you'd get the entire day off? Or maybe I should let you stay and add on a few more days to your sentence..."

"Alright, alright. I'll go." Roy sighed, "I'm sorry about this."

"Oh no, its—" Althea turned to the left spotting Ed and some unfamiliar brunette beckoning her over. "Fine. Everything is fine, I probably should be going too." Bowing, she trotted off in the opposite direction of Roy and Buccaneer.

"What is it Ed?"

"Change of plans I'm afraid, but first this is—"

"Rebecca Catalina at your service." She stood shaking the blond's hand. "But I believe we met earlier."

"Oh, right! I remember you."

"Al." She turned to Ed, "we need to give you a makeover."

"What? Again!" The blond tore the wig off his head. "Ed—"

"Only this time you'll be a bit more convincing." Alphonse stared at the brunette. "You look too young so even if he cops a few feels he won't do anything else. Mustang normally goes for the cheap and easy types so we need to make you _seem_ like that – it'll also make you look older. How old are you anyway?"

"Fourteen."

"Damn..." Rebecca shook her head. "Okay. You need to flirt a little bit with him only better, Buccaneer took him to the digging ground so you'll have to work your magic there... after we make you up of course."

Sighing, Al nodded. "Right. Got it."

"Good. Now lets head to the shop before it closes!"

Alphonse sighed as the owner of the dress shop, Edward, and Rebecca assigned themselves different tasks in dolling him up. The fourteen-year-old didn't see what was wrong with his old disguise! Sure, his flirting had been abysmal but he was just rusty ...and not used to wearing a dress. The blond sighed again looking up at Rebecca putting rollers in his now reddish-black wig, the shop owner had already put in the sky blue contacts and was working on fake nails of all things, and his brother was picking out clothes to make Al seem older and _bustier_ – which was practically impossible for someone without a bust!

"All of this seems a little unnecessary." The makeover trio looked down at Al giving him a pointed stare. "Right, I'll just sit here and shut my mouth _like a good little girl_."

"Oh, and purse your lips so I can put on some lip stick." With his nostrils flaring Al complied letting the shop owner gloss up his lips with a purple-pinkish lip stick.

"Hey Al, I got the perfect outfit!" Ed happily held up a plain black t-shirt and a pair of blue pants.

"That seems so... ordinary Ed, where is your sense of fashion?"

"Listen, if we focus too much on what he wears the prince won't be paying attention to his face! Furthermore, if Al is supposed to be a genius beauty _s_he really won't be all that concerned with clothes – and everything is skin tight so it'll show off all my brother's curves and grooves."

"I don't have curves or grooves!" Al pouted as Rebecca and the shop owner cooed over him.

"Oh, I just remembered you need a name. You obviously can't have the same name and you aren't all that creative when it comes to alias." Ed tapped his chin, "you need a seductive name something that will make him wanna pop a boner just from hearing it."

"What about Scarlet? Ooh, or Auburn!"

Ed rose an eyebrow. "Aren't those colors?"

Rebecca shrugged, "Adriana is a pretty sexy name or Delilah." Ed and Rebecca exchanged glances before nodding.

"Adriana it is!"

"Y-You can't just decide my name for me—"

Ed pressed his forehead against Al's, "your voice is too many little_ sister_." Al's right eye twitched. "You got the..." He looked up, "maybe the hair should be a little browner."

"I was thinking that." Rebecca took off the wig and replaced it with a reddish-brown on. "So much better! Alphonse, uh... I mean Adriana, how good are you with heels?"

Al sighed casting a sidelong glance to his brother, "Ed's the one that could walk in heels."

Blushing, the blond waved his arms defensively. "It was only once!"

"You should teach Adri... there has got to be a shorter name or a nickname we can use!"

"What about Ade? Or Ri... Ade is better." The shop owner nodded to himself, "Ade is ridiculously cute and when you want to turn on the sexy just use the full name. Adriana, it even rolls off the tongue."

"A-Anyway, Edward you should teach Ade how to walk in heels!"

"Why don't you? You're a woman, aren't you?"

"How sexist! You automatically assume that I can walk in heels because I'm a woman?"

"No! You automatically assumed I'm capable of teaching someone to walk in heels when I've only done it once and it was because no other shoes were available!" Rebecca and Ed glared at one another.

Al sighed, "hey! I have a question for you two." Slowly, the turned toward the now brunette. "How am I supposed to appear woman-like? I was flat as a board with that dress on."

"Duh, we'll pad you up." Rebecca winked making the teen gulp audibly.

—

"So she just up and disappeared?"

"No, I had to come back to digging and that was it."

"Pretty rude way of ending a date, wouldn't you say?"

Roy sighed, "I suppose but I didn't feel anything either ...it was more like going out to eat with my daughter instead of a potential wife."

"She did look pretty young."

"By the way, I saw Catalina earlier."

"Riza's friend?" Roy nodded. "The batshit crazy broad you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole?"

"That term will now be used exclusively for Armstrong's sister."

Hughes nodded in understanding. "So, um, you're not thinking of marrying her are you? I mean, she is attractive but I'm sure Riza will never forgive you. Besides, I get the feeling she only puts up with you because of Riza."

"I figured as much."

"Why do all the pretty women with any sort of intelligence hate you?"

Roy shrugged, "must be because of my good looks."

"Yeah, sure."

"You don't sound too convinced Maes, are you implying that there is some other reason?"

"Huh? Oh... who is that?"

"Don't change the subject—" Hughes forcibly turned Roy's head in the direction of the brunette sauntering toward the Buccaneer. Eyes widening, Roy stood. "Damn..."

"Damn indeed." The newcomer tucked a strand of her reddish-brown hair behind her left ear then whispered something to Buccaneer that had the Briggs man laughing loudly. "Do you think she's a native?"

"I hope not, Briggs women are just as crazy as the men... maybe crazier."

"Well either way she seems rather close to the chief's right-hand man; I believe that's what people call flirting."

"You call that flirting? I'll show you flirting!"

"Hold up, what about the girl you were with earlier?"

"You forget I'm the prince of Amestris, I'm used to having more than one woman a day."

Hughes sighed, "of course you are. Well, mind if I watch you get shot down?"

"Not at all, just don't be too disappointed when I end up with a second date."

"But you would need a first date in order to get a second."

"..." Roy glared at the bespectacled man now standing beside him, "shut up."

"Slacking off again Mustang?" Gulping, the man in question turned toward the blond with her hands folded over her chest smirking. "You have a real knack for it, don't you?"

"I wasn't slacking off, _chief_, I was merely wondering why I have to bust my ass when your mountain men aren't doing a damn thing."

"Well, let me put this for you in layman's terms... the diggers are here willingly and as such they get breaks; you, however, are not only unwanted but trespassing so you'll work when I tell you to work. You're lucky I gave you a break earlier and lightning doesn't strike twice _your__highness_."

Hughes gulped as lightning struck between the two. Roy and the chief were both incredibly stubborn so this staring contest wouldn't end any time soon.

"There you are Ms. Armstrong~" Roy blinked at the head that popped up from the chief's shoulders. "Ooh, who is this?" Giant sky blue eyes peered up at him.

Olivier sighed, "this... is nothing to be concerned with." The newcomer latched onto the chief looking up at her extending her lower lip slightly.

"I'm Roy, and this..." He looked around trying to find Hughes, "and my colleague just left. What's your name?"

"I'm Adriana." She freed one of her arms from the chief's and shook Roy's hand. "What a firm grip you have Mr. Roy."

Olivier chuckled earning a glare from Roy. Although he wasn't certain what the chuckle was directed toward... it could have been the firm grip comment or it could have been because she called him _mister_ which was a term used to address someone older than you were – case and point she thought he was old.

"There's no need to address me so formally, I'm not old or anything."

"Right. So, Roy then, are you a digger? I've never seen you around."

"No, I'm a prisoner."

"Really? What was your crime?"

"Coming here."

"Ah. That's how I met the chief, trespassing from the kingdom of Drachma after she put me to work we became close friends."

"..."

"Briggs is like a second home to me and all the people are super friendly."

"How long have you been here?"

Chuckling, the brunette nervously scratched the back of her neck. "I've been here so long I honestly lost track of the years. Not implying that I'm old or anything!"

"Stop rambling Ade."

"R-Right." The brunette nodded. "I gotta stop doing that."

"Adriana!" Tucking a strand of her hair behind her left ear, she turned to Buccaneer who was beckoning her to him.

"Oops, I gotta go. It was nice meeting you Roy." Grinning, she ran off to Buccaneer.

"Chief, they aren't—"

"Not unless you think Buccaneer is a cradle robber. She's more like a daughter to him." Roy sighed in relief. "Now don't get the wrong idea and think she's open to the public Mustang, especially to a man whore like yourself."

Turning on her heels, Olivier walked off headed toward Buccaneer and the group of people in that direction.

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to find a bathroom?"

"Where the hell were you?"

Hughes's eyes widened. "I ...just told you."

Roy sighed, "I met her Maes."

"Who?"

"The woman I'm going to marry."


	4. The Idiot's Way to Woo

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist (or any other manga, fairy tale, video game, or movie mentioned/referenced) ...and I don't make money of writing – its merely a hobby.

* * *

"_It's kind of fun to do the impossible."  
-Walt Disney_

"What?" Maes Hughes stared at his best friend incredulously. He knew Roy for over twenty years and the slightly younger man had never ceased to surprise him – but this ...Hughes couldn't begin to describe the surprise that last statement gave him.

"You heard me. While you off 'in the bathroom' I met the woman you said I wouldn't get a first date with."

"Well, did you get said first date?"

"Huh? Uh... well, no." Hughes shook his head, "but I didn't exactly try." The bespectacled man rose an eyebrow. "Listen. I can't just charge in there if I want seem not interested. I have to play it cool."

Hughes shrugged. "Whatever man, this is your future; but don't go marrying a woman you barely know just because she's attractive and intelligent – she could be putting on a front to get your money."

"Don't you think I already considered that? I also considered the fact that it might be fate that put me in this snowy hellhole."

"Wouldn't that be an oxymoron?" Roy glared at him, "a-anyway aren't you kinda fickle? You were just going on about how you're used to being with more than one woman at a time now you're making marriage declarations? Was it love at first sight?"

"Love? Whoever said anything about love? I'm simply marrying an attractive, intelligent woman I can form a decent conversation with so that I can become king."

"Wait a minute... you mean to tell me this entire journey you have me on that took me away from my pregnant wife wasn't about you finding love? You just want someone to marry?"

"The law never stated I had to love to become king. I just need a queen which I can only obtain through marriage." Hughes facepalmed. "I never misled you."

"Like hell you didn't! When any _normal_ person thinks of marriage love sort of coincides with it but I should have known better than to think you were normal." Hughes sighed. "Alright. Show me your future bride. The sooner you marry her the sooner I can get back home."

—

"So, tell me? Is he staring?"

"Al... uh, Ade, that's some creepy shit you're doing."

"Tell me!"

Sighing, Buccaneer glanced in the direction of Mustang chatting with his bespectacled companion. "Yes and no, I mean I know I helped and whatever but its still a complete 180 – I'm not even sure how the hell they made you taller."

The brunette giggled, "its a secret."

"Really creepy shit."

"Oh come on, you gotta admit its working."

"Yeah, I mean if I didn't know what was really going on I'd fuck ya."

"Thanks?"

"But I'm even more impressed that you got the chief to agree."

"Well, I'm always up for fun at the expense of others." Olivier smirked approaching the duo, "speaking of which... Alex!"

The tall man emerged from behind the door. "Yes sister?"

Adriana looked up at Armstrong in awe. "Sister? _T-That's_ your brother!"

Olivier nodded. "Right. Adriana, this is my little brother Alex."

"L-Little!"

"Younger. Now. Its time for us to spar Alex, its high time you started acting like a Briggs man!"

"Ooh, I bet beansprout would love to see this. Get 'em, will ya Ade?"

The brunette shook out of her stupor. "Of course, just don't start until I come back." Nodding, the brunette walked off. Whistling, she walked across the digging ground until Roy popped up in front of her. "Oh geez!" Ade inhaled then exhaled deeply. "You scared me!"

"Adriana." The brunette gulped, "since you're so familiar with Briggs would you be interested in showing me around? I haven't seen much of here other than the jail and digging ground."

"Um, sure? Why not."

"Right, this is Maes." The bespectacled man nodded, "the friend I meant to introduce to you earlier."

"Nice to meet you." They eagerly shook one another's hand. "Would you like the Briggs tour too?"

"No!" Hughes stared at his best friend, "uh... I mean—" Roy sighed, "sure why not. Lets do it."

"Okay, how about tomorrow? I'll try and get the chief to give you a day off." Ade winked at him, "I'll even work with you to make up for the time you lose."

Hughes nudged his nodding best friend. "That sounds great."

"Well I have to do something now. So I'll see you two around." Nodding at the black-haired men, Ade walked off.

—

"Huh? The chief and her brother are fighting?" The brunette nodded tucking a strand of hair behind her right ear.

"I had no idea her younger brother was so tall! He was huge!"

"Yeah, I saw him but I just didn't think you didn't."

"Right. Anyway, they thought you would want to see it..." Ed smirked, "what?"

"I'm just thinking what a cute sister you make." Ed wrapped his arms around the brunette, "you'd better not give it up too fast Adriana."

"Idiot." The brunette knocked the offending arms away. "I have about fifteen pounds just latched onto my chest, not to mention the weights increasing my height by about a foot! I'm not giving _anything_ up."

"Well you know you have to put out at some point, right?"

"Ed!"

"I'm just saying! You're supposed to be easy, right?" Blue eyes narrowed. "I just have a question... when you two get married how do I fit into the equation? I mean, I'll have to be in disguise until your divorce right?"

"You asked me that already Ed!" The blond grinned. "Just disguise yourself before we head out there because he's in the area."

"Great."

"Isn't it?"

"I was being sarcastic, idiot." The brunette pouted as Ed walked off with his hands locked behind his head. "Oh, by the way..." He yelled with his back turned to the girl, "I meant to ask earlier... you don't actually like wearing that do you?" Smirking, the blond looked over his shoulder at his seething crossdressing brother. "Just asking." At the glare he received the blond walked off chuckling.

"Ed, you're such a jerk!"

By the time Ed returned, he had a spiky long bright green wig with purple contacts. "Do I look unrecognizable or what?"

"Edward Elric you look like a psychopath!"

"Oh come on, Ade, I look pretty damn good."

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"You're acting just a bit too feminine you know."

"Isn't that how I'm supposed to act?" She hissed. "You, Ms. Rebecca and damn near everyone else that did _this_..." The brunette paused to gesture at her second makeover, "said 'be a little more feminine Alphonse' and 'turn up the sexy Alphonse!' Do you think this is easy for me?"

"To be honest yes, I did think it was easy for you."

"Why the hell would you think that?"

"Calm down, are you calling the whole thing off?"

"Hell no."

"No amount of money is worth all this stress Al, uh... Ade. If you don't want to do this anymore just stop and we'll find another way."

"You could—"

"Anything but that."

"Then what's the point of saying that?"

"I'm not going to crossdress, unless you think it would be easier for a guy to seduce him I'm not going to be apart of this." Pausing, the brunette turned to Ed grinning. "W-What?"

"That's it! The newspaper merely assumed it was a woman the prince is after but there's no proof—"

"Al, no!"

"Come on. If I'm in the dress you should have no problem seducing him as a man." Ed facepalmed. "You can be kinda charming, its where I get it from. You can disguise yourself as a guy that the prince can't help but fawn over."

"Have you lost your mind? I'm not seducing that guy!"

"Why not? This thing was originally your idea, you should have some part in the actual seduction."

"You want the money Al, therefore you should be the one to seduce the prince!"

"Whatever happened to us being together through thick and thin? Are you abandoning me because you don't want to seduce this guy? Its not like I won't."

"Wait a minute, are you telling we're going to compete to see which one the prince would prefer?"

"If we give him two choices we have a higher chance of being chosen. Either that or I could adopt several dozen personalities and print a false story about the prince already finding someone so all the other girls could back off."

"Ooh, you can do that?"

"No Ed, I can't do that!"

"Then don't bring it up and give me false hope."

Ade sighed. "Idiot. Oh, but if _you _end up marrying the prince how would I fit into the equation?" Ed glared at the brunette. "I was just asking. Anyway, we should get going. I'm sure the chief and her brother aren't really waiting for us to return."

"Right, right. Lets get going and whatever."

"But before we go... could you at least look a little less insane!"

Ed sighed, "fine! I'll go change again!"

—

Roy looked around the digging ground sighing. Where the hell did all these men get their energy from? They began before he and Hughes did and stopped long after – if they even stopped at all. The only bright spot were the women that seemed to disappear as quickly as they came. Most of the women in Briggs, as rare as they were, were easy on the eyes ...even the scary chief was attractive but Roy wasn't willing to go down that road. Especially considering she seemed to hate him. _Not_ that he had an interest in marrying her anyway.

The black-haired man sighed before looking up seeing Adriana walking with a young looking guy. "Well... so much for marriage, hm?" Hughes asked leaning on Roy. "Looks like she moved on quite nicely."

"How could she move on when we didn't do anything yet? Besides, whoever the hell that is I'm certain they're no competition for me."

"No Roy, don't do something you'll regret."

"That'll be easy, I've never regretted anything a day in my life." Hughes sighed as Roy walked over to the duo. "Hi."

"H-Hi."

"Hey." The brunet smirked, eying Mustang. "You look a bit too proper to be a Briggs man, visiting?"

"I suppose you can say that." Roy looked the brunet up and down. "You?"

"I'm a drifter man, I go wherever the wind takes me. Folks 'round here are real nice – that chief took a real shine to me. But I'm babblin', the name's Gabe – short for Gabriel, ya know how it is."

Grinning, he extended his hand which Roy hesitantly took then she shook hands with Hughes who ventured over. "I'm Maes and he's Roy. You look a little young to be a drifter Gabe."

"L-Little?" Adriana nudged him sighing. "Oh! Y-Yeah, you're never too young to be a drifter. Its a matter of principles and stuff." The brunet shrugged. "If kids can be homeless and miners and stuff, why not drifters?"

Roy nodded in agreement. "That's pretty deep stuff for a kid."

"I'm a big reader, I like to be knowledgeable about as many things as I can." Gabe nodded to himself, "that why I can erase that stereotype of being either smart or attractive. With all my knowledge I qualify for both." He chuckled and Hughes and Roy laughed as well.

Adriana gaped at him. Damn, Ed was more of a natural than _she_ ever gave him credit for. Assuming he was putting forth any effort in being charismatic this wouldn't even be a competition between the two of them once Ed really unleashed his hidden charm.

"Uh... come on _Gabe_." Adriana said tugging the brunet's arm. "He got lost so we gotta get him back to the digging ground."

Roy jerked his thumb behind him. "We're already in the digging ground."

Resisting the urge to facepalm, Adriana shook her head. "_Everywhere_ is a digging ground, catch you two later."

"Well... that was interesting." Hughes said watching them walk away. "You don't think they're related, do you?"

"Why? Because of how familiar they were with one another? I think that Gabe kid has that sort of personality making him easy to get along with."

"Wow... wait a sec, correct me if I'm wrong but I thought you were trying to get Adriana to marry you?" Roy glanced at him. "A-Are you thinking of asking _him_ to marry you? He's just a kid?"

"Talking to him felt strange. I'm not going to jump the gun and propose... I just need to talk to him again."

"Well, Adriana is giving you a tour tomorrow right? Hopefully, Gabe will be there too." Roy nodded. "Though I have to admit, it'll be pretty weird for you to completely ignore her in favor of getting cozy with her friend. Besides, do you really want a male queen?"

"There's no law that says I can't."

"True..."

—

The next morning, Roy awoke to the blearily gray ceiling of the Briggs' dungeon. Sighing, he continued to look up at the ceiling. It was two days ago that he, Hughes and Armstrong were walking through the border of Resembool and Briggs when several guards questioned them. After several words were exchanged a fight broke out and that was the last Roy saw of Armstrong. He was a big guy so he was probably fine fitting against men who were surprisingly his size – which was something he couldn't be used to being the tallest living creature in the entire country of Amestris.

Apparently, one of the tall burly men bumped into Roy knocking him out. He wasn't sure what happened to Hughes because the bespectacled man was still standing when hitting the floor.

If the chief and Armstrong were siblings then he was probably unharmed. Roy tapped his chin frowning at the ceiling. Armstrong was the younger brother of that woman so maybe he might be able to talk them into leaving. He was told that two days ago it would be three days before he could leave so today was the last day his freedom would be behind these bars.

Hughes groaned slowly sitting up. "Ah, good morning." He nodded picking up his glasses and putting them on.

"Wakey wakey~" Rebecca said grinning against the bars. "Time to get to work men."

"I was told I was supposed to have a day off, did the chief tell you?"

Frowning, Rebecca shook her head. "Nope." She took out a key opening the cell. "She told me to get you and tell you to move your ass." Sighing, Roy dejectedly walking out of the cell with Hughes more happily following suit.

Once outside, the duo got to work with a minimal amount of complaining on Roy's end.

Roy was digging aimlessly when he was suddenly struck in the back of the head and plummeted face first into the ground. "Oh crap! I am so sorry." Roy found himself being turned over staring at a pair of violet eyes. "I'm stronger than I look." Roy stared at the pair of red-orange lips moving but couldn't hear what was being said.

"Uh... he's not responding."

"Oh, that's normal." Hughes bent down to Roy's level poking him. "Come on Roy, rise and shine."

"Roy?"

"Yeah, that's his name. I'm Maes by the way."

"Augusta." The black-haired girl pursed her lips leaning over Roy's semi-conscious body. "Should I get a doctor?"

Hughes glanced down at Roy briefly before nodding. "I think you should."

Nodding, the girl got up and disappeared. Roy's eyes followed her movement before looking back at Hughes. "Its rude to stare."

"I don't understand."

"You don't understand what?"

"All these beautiful girls keep appearing. Then they disappear. Am I undesirable in Briggs?" His eyebrows furrowed. "I... I just can't fathom it."

"Maybe they're all visiting? Or maybe you hit your head and can't think straight. That shovel dinged pretty loudly."

Roy looked up at the sky. It was possible he was going through a mild delirium due to his head in jury but he could also be thinking clearly because of it. He was sure someone put out a report or something pertaining to his quest so all these women could be trying to marry him to get money. Truthfully, as long as the woman was intelligent he couldn't care what her motives were – he just wanted to be king so it would be nothing more than a mutual agreement. Their marriage would be open giving both of them the freedom they required but they would need to be together during major Amestrian events.

Roy slowly sat up startling Hughes. Amestris tolerated divorcing and even if they didn't when he became king he'd allow it. He slowly rose to his feet swaying slightly. "R-Roy, don't overdo it. You got hit pretty hard."

"I'm fine, best I've felt in days."

Hughes grimaced as his best friend continued to sway. He kept swaying until he fell forward, Hughes winced until the chief appeared out of nowhere catching him. "I don't even want to know."

—

Brown eyes slowly opened taking in the surroundings that appeared to be a hospital room. An empty, immaculate, freezing hospital room. It became more blatant now that he was alone and not just in the literal sense; Hughes wouldn't always be by his side – especially since he had a baby on the way. Feeling sorry for one's self was not the way a prince should behave but he couldn't help it. Was it his fault he was so damn attractive that women threw themselves at him? He obviously couldn't turn down his charm so what else was there to do?

Roy slowly glanced to the left outside the opened door. His eyes narrowed looking at a short blond whose hair was held down in a messy braided ponytail. Who he was talking to was blocked by the door but he was grinning – it was a grin Roy never saw before in his life and probably wouldn't see again. That expression alone made a light bulb go off in his head – seeing that face, or at least half of it, made the throbbing pain his head chose to make apparent at the moment worth it somehow.

Could this be that _'love'_ thing Hughes babbled about nonstop? But falling in love with half of a face because of a sexily mischievous grin? Roy shook his head, that wasn't possible. It didn't make any kind of sense no matter how one looked at it. He was probably just pent up going weeks without sex when he was so used to getting it every other night back home. Nodding, he turned back to the ceiling. The next woman he interacted with, safe for the chief and Rebecca, would sleep with him no questions asked. He couldn't possibly find a bride with all this sexual tension brewing inside of him. He had to take care of that first before doing anything else. Besides, when he really turned the charm on who could resist him?

"Hello~" Roy's eyes narrowed as a redhead waltzed into the hospital room. "I see you're awake, that's good. I'm Charlie and I'll be your doctor this afternoon." She leaned over him feeling his head. "Oh my, that's quite the bump. Shall I bandage it for you?" Roy nodded slowly. "Can you sit up or is it too painful?"

Sighing, the black-haired man slowly got himself in a sitting position. The doctor took out several supplies then began wrapping his head but not before applying some kind of spray and cream to his wound. Once completed, the redhead marveled at her work nodding to herself. "You may need to take it easy for a while, shovels aren't meant for heads."

"You should tell that to the chief."

"I heard you loud and clear Mustang." Olivier walked into the room shaking her head. "You couldn't wait one more day? I planned on letting you go after one more day of work but who knows when that'll be."

"No." The blonde turned to him. "I'll work. I'm sure if one of your Briggs men got injured he would still have to pull his weight. I'll just keep out of the way of other diggers."

Olivier whistled. "Very well then. If there are no complications get him back to work."

"Should I prescribe pain medications?"

"Please do." Sending Roy one last glance the blond walked off.

"Okay then. I'm..." The redhead wrote something down on her clipboard then ripped out the sheet of paper and handed the piece of paper to Roy. "Take this to the pharmacy. They'll give you something for the pain."

Roy nodded. "Thank you doctor. Are you busy this evening?"

"With other patients, why?"

"I was hoping that we could have dinner or something together, I'm not too familiar with the Briggs nightlife outside of the bars."

The redhead was about to respond but paused at the look she was getting. "Oh, see, I'd love to but I have a boyfriend and I'm not sure he would approve of me spending my nights with other guys." Roy's face fell. "Feel better!" With that the redhead briskly walked out of the room shutting the door behind her. Once the door was closed she sighed walking off.

"Psst, Al!" Flinching, the redhead looked at the blond beckoning her over before she headed to him. "Did he take the bait?"

"No, I didn't throw it. Something felt off." The blond tilted his head. "I think he was undressing me with his eyes."

"Oh doctor~" The redhead glanced up at Rebecca running toward her, "I have the worst boo-boo imaginable. I need a hug!"

"Alright, that's enough." Sighing, Olivier shook her head. "What's our next plan? Mustang still wants to work to get out of here, will you follow him?"

"Of course!" The doctor huffed as Rebecca released the embrace. "But I need to give him time... I think with all the girls he's – a bit worse for wear."

"Ah." The blond nodded. "You saying he's sexually frustrated? That's why he was giving you the come hither look?" The redhead nodded.

"He _hit on you_?" Rebecca asked. Sighing, the redhead nodded. "But he hit on all of your personalities, why was this one any different? Was it the profession maybe?"

"No. I think the doctor is right. All the women he's been around have been keeping a distance meaning he's bound to want to strike." The group exchanged glances before all their eyes landed on the blond teen.

"W-What's with the looks?"

"Time to pull your own weight Edward. Seduce the prince and sleep with him."

"H-Huh?"

"We need to keep him here long enough to convince Alex to stay for good. I know once that good for nothing is granted freedom he'll look for his 'bodyguard.' Quite frankly, I don't care whether he's a free man or not but if he's distracted he won't look for my brother."

"That's all well and good but _this_ and **that** are two different things. What if the prince makes a move and finds out I'm a guy?"

"That's not going to be a problem considering you aren't going to crossdress. Flirt with him and if he's interested in sleeping with you do it. Would you honestly allow your little brother to sleep with a man twelve years older than him?"

"I'm only a year older than Al! How is it any better to have me sleep with someone eleven years older? Besides, giving up my first time so Al can get rich isn't exactly in the cards right now."

"No one's saying you have to sleep with him—"

"That's exactly what we're saying." Olivier and Rebecca interrupted.

"—But!" The redhead looked up at the two women before looking back at Ed. "I just thought of something. Instead of sleeping with the prince; find some women who won't hesitate to want to sleep with you. Make them some kind of promise and get them to seduce and/or sleep with the prince. Once he's fully recharged we can go in for the kill."

"Right, but what about the women?"

Al shrugged. "I doubt they'd continue to look for you after being with the prince but if they do I'm sure you'll figure something out."

"You are positively evil little brother." Ed shook his head. "Alright. I'll work my magic – just don't blame me when everything spirals out of control if you can't keep up your end."

"Don't worry about me." The siblings shook hands nodding.

"Time to get to work, I can get a few hours off right chief?" Sighing, the blonde nodded. Grinning, Ed gave everyone the two fingered salute before running off.

"Well, I have work to do. You might want to adopt another personality Alphonse." Sighing, the redhead nodded.

"Later doc!" Rebecca yelled walking away with Olivier.

"Al, don't do anything until I give you the okay." The redhead nodded. "I'm heading out. I'll visit Aquaroya and get some girls for the prince."

—

The town of Aquaroya was, no pun intended, swimming with women. Last time they briefly stopped by Ed didn't have the opportunity to gallivant with the masses but with his objective he had nothing else to do.

A long haired blonde approached him, "heya cutie." Well, that was easier than he expected. "Wanna have some fun?"

"Sure... but I'm sort of an exhibitionist." The blonde's green eyes widened. "You know, I'm into seeing my girl's getting it on with other guys. It makes the sex afterwords so much more—" Ed licked his lips, "hot."

The blonde gulped. "Y-Yeah."

"But I don't just want to see any one with someone I want to sleep with." He beckoned the girl closer whispering in her ear. "There's this guy... Roy's his name. He's in the town of Briggs, real pretty type. The kind of guy women want to make themselves look better."

"Y-You said Briggs, right?" Ed nodded. "That's not too far from here. When should I stop by?"

"As soon as you can, I need to take care of some business here first then I'll ...join you." Nodding enthusiastically, the girl disappeared. Ed grinned once she was out of sight. "That was easier than I expected... I wonder who else I can get~"

The disguised blond ventured around the town propositioning any willing females with a series of different situations and all of them took the bait heading to Briggs to 'woo' the pretty faced black-haired man.

Ed rubbed his hands together. Why the hell didn't he think of this before? Oh... he facepalmed. The money. If the prince married one of these women there went his (and by his he meant _Al's_) cut of the profit.

Hopefully, he'd just use the old fuck and chuck discarding them after use and continue his search for a bride.

His part of the deal was done, now it was time to return to Briggs to get in some relaxation. He doubted any of the women would look for him today anyway. Even if they did he disguised himself so he'd be unrecognizable to any of them ...unless they spoke to him and recognized his voice.

Shrugging he made his way back to Briggs. It wasn't far but it was a couple of hours walk away so he gave the girls enough time to get to work before he came back. As soon as he got to Briggs he was going to draw a hot bath for himself then ditch the disguises.

It took longer than he expected but Ed returned to Briggs setting out what he intended on doing. He headed to the place the chief had them staying taking off his wig, contacts and overcoat tossing them to the side then went in the bathroom. The blond was in the middle of unbuttoning his shirt when he heard a noise.

Thinking nothing of it, he finished unbuttoning his shirt and nearly jumped in the air when a body came tumbling out of the towel closet. Ed's eyes widened considerably as he saw the prince's body haphazardly laying in front of him.

Before the blond could grab a disguise or anything to cover his face the black-haired man's brown eyes landed on him. Good thing he was disguised the other times they crossed paths because this would be even more awkward than it was now. Okay, Ed was a professional (sort of) so he had to flip this situation in his favor.

"That was quite a fall." He said approaching the man offering some assistance which he took. "Are you alright?"

"More or less." Ed took in the man's bandaged head and his disheveled clothing. "I wanted more women but they came out of nowhere! The first few were great but they kept coming. I needed somewhere to hide, I had no idea someone was actually living here."

"I... I'm not really living here, per se, its more like I'm just borrowing or renting temporarily." Roy nodded in understanding. In Amestris he had plenty of other homes that he rented to get away from the castle. "Well, if you want you can stay in the bedroom until the heat dies down I'm just gonna hop in the shower."

"I can't stay in the bedroom, there are windows there." Pausing, Ed slowly turned to him raising an eyebrow. "We're both men, there's no problem. Besides, I'm not going to peek at you or anything." Shrugging, the blond ran his water and when it hit the appropriate temperature he took his shirt and pants off stepping into the water.

Despite saying that he wouldn't look, Roy looked. Where else was he supposed to look? The black-haired man subtly glanced at that bare pert ass as the boxers came off. Though the blond possessed a small frame he was pretty built and his looks weren't too bad either. Roy also noted the automails on his left leg and right arm – they were pretty hard to miss after all.

Now that he was sexed up and had a clear mind, he recognized the blond from the hospital earlier today. He didn't see the seductively mischievous grin but the blond's face on the whole was well worth running from the horny masses. Which was an oddity in itself because Roy would never run from so many different women... on the other hand if these women came from Briggs he wanted nothing to do with them.

He couldn't blame his attraction to the kid on lust anymore so what the hell could it have been? Excluding his height, the kid was rather manly and Roy never found himself attracted to any other men before. Damn, the town of Briggs was seriously screwing with his mind!

No matter how attractive, he couldn't have some shrimpy little kid be his queen! Roy didn't even know the kid's name or if they were compatible but most importantly the intellect. It was the whole reason for the journey. Roy nodded to himself, so its decided. Once the kid came out of the shower Roy was dead set on testing his intellect.


End file.
